


The Love We Deserve

by Astro_cat13



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cat Cafés, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Hurt Michelle Jones, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt/Comfort, Identity Reveal, Kinda, Lesbian Gwen Stacy, Lesbian Michelle Jones, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Misunderstandings, Ned Leeds is a Good Bro, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker is Trying His Best, Peter Parker is a Mess, Rare Pairings, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Indulgent, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Is Not Helping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-13 20:33:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 25,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28659540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Astro_cat13/pseuds/Astro_cat13
Summary: Without Spider-Man, who was he?Deep down, Peter Parker knew the answer. Most of the time, he could ignore it, but in his dark room he let himself admit the truth-Nobody.That wasn’t even the worst of it, though. The ugly reality was, while he was completely screwing up his efforts to help people, he was putting the people he loved in danger. No one had figured it out yet, but there had already been way too many close calls.It was unavoidable. At some point, his choices were going to hurt people, and he was powerless to stop it.Some hero he was, right?---Peter Parker is struggling to live up to the responsibility of being Spider-Man, and an absent Tony Stark is not helping the issue. All the while, MJ is trying to deal with her romantic feelings toward Gwen Stacy, who is one of Peter's childhood friends. When MJ learns something about Peter's identity that could put her in danger, Peter is left to try and clean up the mess by himself.In classic Peter Parker fashion, it doesn't go well.
Relationships: Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones/Gwen Stacy, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Gwen Stacy
Comments: 8
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

“We’ll call you.” 

On that fateful day, Peter felt like he was on top of the world. He had laid in his bed for hours, long after May had fallen asleep, just smiling at the ceiling and clutching the case with his suit in it.

It was nice to finally have a purpose. 

The thing was, that didn’t last very long. After almost drowning in a lake, an almost-botched ferry rescue, and a plane crash -- all accompanied with total radio silence from Tony Stark -- it was pretty clear that they would not call him. 

Sitting around in Queens with his powers was torture. Sure, patrolling helped, but it was kind of hard to feel good about himself when he knew that for every mugging he stopped, there were countless more that he couldn’t do anything about. 

Bad things still happened, and it killed him that he couldn’t stop them. It wasn’t fair. If he couldn’t help everyone, what kind of ‘hero’ was he? 

That was a terrifying thought. Without Spider-Man, who was he? 

Deep down, Peter knew the answer. Most of the time, he could ignore it, but in his dark room he let himself admit the truth-

Nobody.

That wasn’t even the worst of it, though. The ugly truth was, while he was completely screwing up his efforts to help people, he was putting the people he loved in danger. No one had figured it out yet, but there had already been way too many close calls. 

It was unavoidable. At some point, his choices were going to hurt people, and he was powerless to stop it. 

Some hero he was, right?

\--------------

MJ would never actually admit it out loud, but she was happy that Peter was finally home. Who could blame her? The kid could be annoying, but listening to him talk her ear off about dogs or chemistry or whatever his attention was on at the moment was better than sitting alone in silence because she left her book at home and Leeds had a dentist appointment. 

Fucking Leeds. Of all the days to have people feeling up his mouth, he had to choose that particular day. It was a shock to MJ’s system to discover that being alone was… well, lonely. 

That hadn’t been an issue for her before, but apparently it was now. Whatever. There were worse people than Peter Parker and Ned Leeds. 

The decathlon practice that had occurred while Peter was MIA was a disaster. Flash was more insufferable than usual, Ned had almost cried on three separate occasions, and Mr. Harrington was on his phone the entire time. Needless to say it was pleasant to see a familiar head of messy brown hair from across the subway. 

“Peter-” 

The kid whipped around to face her, taking the earbuds out of his ears. He hastily shoved his cracked phone into his pocket, but not before MJ saw what must have been at least 15 text messages, none of which had been replied to. 

Poor kid. She wondered if it was a girl. 

“What- oh! Hey, MJ!” 

MJ smirked at Peter’s failed attempt at appearing nonchalant. “What’s up, loser? Thought you died.” MJ smirked, before hastily adding, “Decathlon sure was dull without you.”

Damn it, MJ. You might as well scream ‘I missed you because I’m needy.’ 

Peter smiled at her, but there was something that seemed off about his expression. “It was just an internship thing. I got sidetracked after stopping by the tower to check in, so I just decided to patr-” His eyes grew wide as he cut himself off from continuing. “I mean- I attended a very informative training and I’m super glad I had the opportunity to go.”

MJ let out a snort at the professionalism of his answer, making a mental note to try and figure out what the hell that was about later. 

“Sounds like you just skipped ‘cause you felt like it. It’s okay, I’m glad you had fun, loser.” 

He just smiled at him as they left the subway station together and began to head towards their school.

Teasing Parker had become somewhat of a ray of sunshine in MJ’s rainstorm of a life. It was just what she did. What irked her, what ruffled her feathers, what really rained on her parade -- god she had to start spending less time with Peter Parker -- was when people would assume that they were a couple based on the way she acted around him, which in reality was just comfortably. 

Like, why did being comfortable around someone automatically mean MJ was suddenly into him? It didn’t make any sense.

Especially because Peter was a dude, and MJ was a girl that was into girls. And, in her limited experience, exclusively girls. 

Not that he knew that, of course. It was always just too awkward of a conversation to start. What was she supposed to say, ‘Hey, Peter, what do you think about that English project we’re starting next week? Oh, yeah, while we’re on the topic- I am sexually attracted to other females, and I thought that this is information that is important for you to be aware of.’

That would be an interesting conversation.

Logically, MJ knew that plenty of people were gay. Plenty of people came out to the people they were close to in order to allow their friends and family to better understand them, but the idea of it still left a weird taste in her mouth. 

She’d tell him eventually though. He’d probably already figured it out anyway, MJ had been told that she gave off a certain vibe. 

Then again, Peter Parker was one of the most clueless people she’d ever met. As well as one of the kindest, but again, she’d never actually tell him she thought that. 

And that was why MJ had to physically restrain herself from decking Flash as he almost ran Peter over with his dad’s car.

“Hey, Penis!”

MJ threw up her middle finger in the general direction that Flash had left in and dragged Peter along with her as she entered the school, not even bothering to look back at the asshole.

“Fuckin’ Flash,” MJ muttered, trying to get the frown off of Peter’s face. 

It didn’t work. 

“I just can’t do this. MJ, he’s everywhere I go. School, sure, but decathlon too? I can’t even enjoy myself while doing any of the things that I actually enjoy doing.”

If he had so few things that he enjoyed doing, then why was he busy all the time?

Placing a comforting hand on his shoulder, MJ tentatively asked what she had been tiptoeing around for the entire conversation. “What about the Stark Internship? Don’t you have fun there?”

Peter groaned and buried his face in his hands. Apparently that had been the wrong thing to say. 

“I don’t know, MJ. It’s just- hard. I have to face all of the problems on my own because everyone else is busy with their own, uh, projects. I mean, it shouldn’t be a problem, but it's just so lonely, you know? And I’m always there when I’m not at school, so I never get to see you guys and I feel bad about that.”

MJ frowned at the tirade that was seemingly fueled by self-hatred and sleep deprivation. Poor Peter. 

Sighing, MJ sank further into her seat to be at the same level as Peter. “It’ll be okay, Peter. We just gotta get through this week. Only two more days until the weekend. Maybe you can relax a little.”

Peter’s head shot up at an alarming speed as he registered MJ’s words. 

“Today’s Thursday?”

The sheer joy on his face contrasted greatly with his previous existential dread. His face only lit up more as MJ nodded her head. 

“Aw, yes! I thought it was Wednesday.”

MJ snorted. So that’s what it was. “Parker, as exciting as it is to be one day closer to the weekend-”

“-No!” Peter cut her off, excitedly waving his hands in the air. “My old friend Gwen is transferring to Midtown today! We lost touch after middle school but she texted me and Ned last week and she’s coming here! MJ, you're going to love her, she does decathlon and she’s so smart and-”

MJ resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Peter had just been miserable, and the sheer thought of this girl makes him smile so wide that it lights up the whole damn room?

As a lesbian, MJ didn’t care about who Peter dated. Or, evidently, had some sort of weird suppressed crush on. What she did care about, however, was the fact that she hadn’t so much as heard of this girl and suddenly she’s besties with Parker. He was already so busy, and this girl thought she could come in and take the remaining parts of his remaining free time?

MJ was convinced that was what would happen. She’d waltz in, Peter would finally have someone exciting to hang out with, and MJ would be alone. 

Again. 

As much as she hated admitting it, she didn’t want to be alone. Being alone sucked. People whispered behind her back, made fun of her, pitied her

The pity was the worst part. She could distinctly remember the feeling of sitting alone, grasping her book until her knuckles went white. Pretending that she couldn’t feel the stares of her classmates ripping through her skin like knives, pretending that she didn’t hear the whispers of ‘poor girl,’ and ‘she’s so weird.’

She was weird. Why had she always been ‘weird’? Because she had always preferred quiet over the deafening sounds of other people, or because she never knew what to say when she did somehow end up in the company of others?

It had only gotten worse as she began to realize that she definitely preferred girls over guys. Romantically, at least. Girls were kinda scary, if MJ was being honest. 

But, yeah. As MJ got older, instead of beginning to diminish like MJ hoped it would as her classmates also matured, her newfound attraction only grew. 

The unfortunate fact that her feelings were there to stay brought about the typical worried glances in the locker room, and the rare comment of ‘don’t get a crush on me, okay? I’m not… like that.”

It was exhausting.

MJ began changing in a bathroom stall after the first month of freshman year. It was fine, though. 

At least she had Peter. 

Right?

\--------------

There was no sign of this Gwen person all morning. That is, until lunch.

MJ walked into the cafeteria with her books clutched to her chest, only to find a blonde girl sitting in her usual seat, laughing hysterically at some story that Ned was telling. 

If MJ dropped her books onto the table a little harder than necessary, well, that was between her and the books. 

“Hey, MJ! This is Gwen. Gwen, this is MJ, my other friend that I was telling you about.”

Huh. His ‘other friend.’ 

Gwen, MJ noticed, was objectively very pretty. She had a cute little button nose, and an asymmetrical haircut that framed her face very nicely. 

However, MJ was not attracted to her. No way. Not even a little. Sure, she liked girls, but she definitely didn’t like them all. And this was one that she 100% didn’t. 

So why was she blushing under Gwen’s gaze?

“Michelle,” she spat out, her cold tone causing both Peter and Ned to visibly flinch.

“You okay?” 

MJ simply opened her book and began to read, trying to ignore the gross feeling of three sets of eyes staring at her. 

The conversation continued awkwardly around her as she tried and failed to get lost in her book. Everyone was looking at her. They all probably thought that she was stupid, attention seeking-

Why did she react like that? It was pathetic.

MJ was startled by a loud laugh from Gwen, which did nothing to ease her mental anguish. What could have been funny enough to elicit such an obnoxious noise? She huffed and sank lower into her seat, warranting side-eyes from both Ned and Peter. 

“MJ, doesn’t a movie tomorrow morning sound nice? You were just saying that you wanted to do something, and I’m busy today.”

Peter’s hopeful expression made MJ roll her eyes. Closing her book with a loud snap, MJ nodded her head slowly. 

“That’s great, all of us can come! It’ll be great for you and Gwen to be able to get to know each other outside of school, don’t you think?”

Gwen was coming. Of course. 

Logically, MJ knew that she had no right to be disappointed. She should have seen this coming, of course Peter would want to spend some time with his long-lost friend. She should have been happy that Peter even wanted her there.

“Yeah. Great.” The words came out colder than MJ had intended, but that was okay. Ned and Peter both knew that she was just having a bad day, and it wasn’t like she cared about what this new Gwen Stacy thought of her. 

Even if she was hot. 

\--------------

Peter sat on the roof of his apartment complex, drawing in cool breaths of air through the spandex of his Spider-Man mask. 

He had only been patrolling for about an hour, and the hours of homework he had to complete were weighing on him like a bag of bricks, but overall his night had been going pretty well. Queens was strangely crime-free. 

“Karen, any activity on the police scanners?”

The suit paused for a second, as if it was thinking. The thought of that made Peter chuckle. 

“None at the moment, I will alert you if trouble arises.”

Karen was great. Peter did feel a little bit bad about hacking what was probably a multi-billion dollar suit, but it was honestly just out of curiosity. How could Mr. Stark have given him something so technologically advanced and not expected him to try to figure out how it worked?

Sure, the discovery of the “training wheels protocol” was a real blow to his self esteem, but Peter got it. It’s not like he deserved full access to this kind of technology. Honestly, Mr. Stark was being extremely generous by even letting him borrow the suit for just a little while. 

He left most of the protocol intact, because he was responsible. 

Okay, and because he was scared that Mr. Stark would get mad at him. And yell at him. And take away the suit. But it was mostly because he was responsible. 

The one thing that Peter hadn’t been able to resist, though, was the file named “AI.”

AI just for him? That was just about as close as he would ever get to building himself a friend, which was the dream. 

Through just a few sleepless nights and many tears of frustration, Peter had finally been able to activate a version of Karen while leaving the rest of the programming intact. 

Worth it, in Peter’s opinion.

“How about now, K?”

Peter bounced on the balls of his feet, and was surprised when Karen’s answer seemed exasperated. She was super advanced for a prototype. 

“A mugging is taking place three streets over, but the police are already on their way and there’s not much you’ll be able to do-”

“No need, I’m on my way.”

Peter leapt off of the rooftop, allowing himself to fall freely for a split second before shooting a web and swinging toward the dot that Karen had projected, showing the scene of the mugging. 

Jumping down to the street below and throwing up his fists in a defensive position, Peter looked around wildly, only to be met with a jarring lack of a mugger. Instead of the conflict he’d been expecting, there was only a middle-aged man standing silently on the curb.

“It looks like you’re too late, Peter.”

Peter flinched at Karen’s words, even though he had come to the same conclusion himself. 

Why did the blank stare of the man on the curb make Peter feel like sobbing?

“Are- are you alright Are you injured?” 

The man ran his hand through his rapidly thinning hair and groaned. “You seriously couldn’t have gotten here a minute earlier? That was a new camera!”

Oh. Peter didn’t know if it was his constant need to please everyone he came across or his daunting lack of a solid father figure, but the man’s disappointed tone caused a stray tear to fall down his face, hidden from the man by his mask.

“I’m sorry-”

Peter cut himself off as his voice began to waver. 

“Peter, I feel obligated to tell you that you left right as the crime began. There is no possible way that you could have intervened in time, this man is just going through a natural stress response and is taking his anger out on you-”

He jumped back onto the nearest building and began to climb to the top, effectively stopping Karen from continuing. 

“The police are on their way, I’m sorry I couldn’t do more.”

Peter willed his voice to even out as he yelled down to the civilian. When he double checked with Karen that the police were, in fact, on their way, he was met with a strange answer.

“They are, but you have to stop blaming yourself for events which you had no ability to prevent.”

That sounded almost like emotion. Strange. 

Peter wondered if Mr. Stark knew that his AI had become so advanced. Granted, he couldn’t tell him without revealing that he had been messing with said AI against his wishes, but it was an intriguing thought. 

If Peter had to take a guess, he’d say that his constant interaction had something to do with the advancement of Karen. 

“Aw, K, you care about me?”

Why did that make him so happy? 

“I was designed to protect you from harm, Peter. It’s a subsection of the baby-monitor protocol.”

Oh. Of course it was. 

Peter sat on the roof of the building, absentmindedly running his hands up and down the cool concrete. Taking a deep breath and allowing his mind to begin to wander, he leaned back until his head made contact with the ground. Lying there, staring at the night sky, Peter felt a sort of melancholy peace. 

“Karen, you’re artificial intelligence.” Peter closed his eyes and smiled at the ridiculousness of his statement. 

“I am.”

“You’re just lines of code. No offence, of course. Love you, K.” Wow. Peter physically cringed at how pathetic the line of conversation was.

“Yes, Peter. I too have grown to find your company pleasant.”

Aww! That was so nice.

“So, since you’re AI, can you like… I don’t know, calculate the easiest way for me to be more, I don’t know, helpful? Useful?”

That was a dumb question. Peter cursed himself for being so impatient, she would tell him how to be more useful when the situation came up. That was literally her job.

“You seem to be upset, Peter. Is there something bothering you?”

Of course he was upset. He was a superhero who wasn’t able to save anyone. 

Taking the silence as affirmation, the AI continued. “The best thing you can do to help people as Spider-Man is to ensure a stable mental state.”

Peter groaned. “Aw, Karen, don’t start quoting self-help books at me. Can’t you just tell me to like… do drugs or sleep or something like that?”

“Peter, getting more sleep is advisable, but I would not recommend taking drugs that were not prescribed to you by a licensed medical professional.”

“I was joking! You’re just as bad as May-”

“Speaking of May, I was about to recommend that you discuss your mental state with someone you care about. I’m always here to listen, but as I do not experience emotion, I would probably not be very helpful.”

He couldn’t talk to May. She’d just end up freaking out, and then he’d start freaking out, and then they’d get nowhere. Plus, she didn’t know about Spider-Man, so he wouldn’t be able to go into detail about anything. 

“I can’t. She’s always busy, I don’t want to worry her.”

Karen paused for a moment before making a suggestion that made Peter’s stomach drop. “How about Mr. Stark?”

He could not complain to Mr. Stark. He’d just get mad and maybe even realize that Peter was the wrong kid to be Spider-Man.

“I don’t have Mr. Stark’s number, I have some other one. One of his employees, I guess. Maybe Happy?”

“Please call the number, Peter. You need to talk to more people. Just think of it as a mission report, you can just make sure that they know you’re being productive.”

It’s not like he had anything better to do. 

“Okay, okay. I’ll call.”

Peter didn’t bother to sit up as he pulled his phone out from a hidden pocket, flinching as the light from the screen burned his eyes. After a few seconds of struggle, he was finally able to dial the numbers with his gloved fingers. That was an update that the suit sorely needed. 

After the phone rang many times, his call was finally sent to voicemail. 

A few seconds of silence went by, and Peter tried to will himself to hang up. He wasn’t going to talk to an answering machine, he might as well just talk to Karen. 

“I’m so alone.”

The words startled him, but once they came out, he couldn’t stop them.

“Why am I so alone? I mean, I know it’s selfish, I’m so sorry. I’m so useless, so what’s stopping me from, well, never mind. I just- it would be nice if someone besides Karen would, I don’t know- care about me?”

Flinching at the terrible words, Peter hurried to correct himself.

“Gosh, that sounds so stupid, of course May loves me, and-” His parents and Ben had loved him.

“Someone who didn’t have to, you know? You show up in my apartment one day, and I just got my hopes up, I guess. I mean, I know you would never- I just want to help. I thought I could help you and, I don’t know, make a difference. Live up to being Spider-Man.”

That was likely. Peter let out a humorless chuckle at the sheer ridiculousness of his own words. 

“I’m nothing without him. And to be honest, how much of a difference do I even make as Spider-Man? Not enough. Maybe I’m just nothing.”

Voicing the fears that had been plaguing his mind for longer than he could remember made sobs wrench their way through his body. 

“I’m okay. I’m fine really. I’m sorry to bother you, this all probably sounds so pathetic- geez, can I delete a voicemail?”

After looking at his phone for a second and determining that his tears made the numbers indistinguishable from each other, Peter put the phone back up to his ear. 

“Oh, well. It’s not like you’ll listen to this anyway, and it’s a hell of a lot cheaper than therapy.”

Like a journal. Peter was never the journaling type, but who knows? It could be fun. 

“Okay, uh- mission report, I guess? Well, I started patrolling right after dinner with May, and I’ve been out here for… an hour and a half? I don’t really know.”

Peter paused, almost as if he were awaiting a response. “Yeah. I stopped a grand theft bicycle, did some flips for some tourists- oh! I gave a nice old lady directions, and she bought me a churro! Yeah, today was a good day.”

He felt himself begin to smile under the mask. With everything that had gone down, he had almost forgotten about the churro lady. 

“Ah- after that, I swung around a little bit. Couldn’t really find much to do after that, so I sat on the roof of my apartment building for a bit, and then-”

Well, here goes nothing.

“-Then Kar- I mean, I heard that someone being mugged a few streets over from where I was, so I went to stop it and... couldn't. I- I just got there too late, it was my fault. The guy was okay, but the mugger got away.”

He really did suck at keeping secrets, huh? How was he supposed to tell Mr. Stark that he had heard it from Karen without telling him that Karen was the AI that was in his suit, which he had technically hacked.

“And then a… friend told me that I should call you to check in, and so I did. I think I’ll do this again, if that’s okay. I mean, whoever this is, just let me know if you want me to stop. I like being able to go through my thoughts out loud, it’s kind of like a home video, you know?”

Well that wasn’t pathetic.

“I’m still doing cleanup from the whole alien weapons thing, it looks like nothing new is being made since you guys know to be more careful with the debris. So, uh, that’s good. There’s still stuff out there, so I’m just trying to track the rest of it down-” 

Which was a mission that he had made absolutely no progress on. He may as well have screamed ‘hey, look at me, I’m a worthless loser who’s in way over his head!’

It was really worrisome, though. He hadn’t seen any evidence of alien weapons since the plane crash, and the possibility that there were no more seemed much too good to be true. Honestly, Peter did wish that Mr. Stark would swoop in and help him out. Maybe provide some kind of magic solution to the issue that had been keeping him up at night. 

That hadn’t gone over too well last time, though.

The man had made it abundantly clear that Spider-Man shouldn’t need help. 

“Okay. Well, I should probably get going, it’s late and I have homework. This is Peter, by the way. Peter Parker. From Germany.”

Peter inwardly cringed as he hung up the phone. 

That wasn’t so bad. 

“Nice job, Peter.” The AI’s praise made Peter feel way too happy for his own liking. 

He really needed other people in his life. This was getting sad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Feedback is greatly appreciated, and to be honest reading comments just makes my day. This fic should have a pretty regular update schedule.
> 
> Also, thank you to my amazing beta [EnchantingWriting](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnchantingWriting/pseuds/EnchantingWriting)! Go check out her writing, its enchanting :)
> 
> My Tumblr is [Astro_cat13](https://astro-cat13.tumblr.com)


	2. Chapter 2

The sight of the innocent expression on Peter’s face made MJ’s jaw clench. Oh, how she desperately wished that she could punch the kid in the face without injuring him. 

“Relax, MJ. I just want my two best friends to also be best friends.” Peter’s famous puppy-dog eyes were almost enough to calm her down, but not quite. 

“Are you serious? You dragged us here, and I’m sure Gwen’s lovely but I’m not prepared to-” MJ cut herself off. 

Not prepared to do what? To spend time with Peter’s childhood friend because she was jealous and afraid that she would be replaced? Or was she not prepared to spend the afternoon with Gwen because she was beautiful and fucking ripped and the sight of her made her stomach feel like it was turning itself inside-out?

In MJ’s professional opinion, the latter was the most likely of the two options. 

“Hey! Your two best friends?” Ned’s shout of protest dragged MJ from her thoughts. Peter’s ears turned red as he scrambled into an explanation. 

“Ned, of course you’re my best friend too! I just said it that way because you already like Gwen and MJ doesn’t yet.”

“Ah, I gotchu.”

MJ rolled her eyes as they engaged in their ridiculously complicated ‘secret handshake.’ She had rejected their offer to teach her said handshake way too many times. 

“I don’t dislike her specifically, I just dislike people in general.” MJ hated that she was blushing. 

“Aww, that’s not true.” Peter’s shit-eating grin made its way into his tone. “You love us.”

Unfortunately for MJ, Peter’s bravery encouraged Ned to join in as well. “Yeah, you looove us!”

“Oh my god, stop it.” Despite her festering rage, MJ couldn’t stop herself from smiling. “Of course I love you guys. Idiots. Who the fuck watches a movie at ten in the morning?”

Peter chucked a throw pillow from the couch at MJ’s head, and she was milliseconds away from beating the shit out of him in revenge as they all heard a knock on the door. Peter got up to open it, but MJ’s stomach dropped the second that he did. 

Because behind the door was not only Hot Gwen Stacy, but it was Hot Gwen Stacy in a crop top. 

She fucking had abs. 

How was MJ supposed to live with that knowledge?

“Hey! Thanks for waiting for me, guys.” Gwen’s voice was deep and melodic, and made MJ feel like she was about to spontaneously combust. 

“No problem! I’ll go make some popcorn. Ned, do you think you can get the movie ready?” Gwen giggled as Ned dramatically ripped the Star Wars: Episode IV dvd from his backpack and held it up triumphantly. 

“Try not to burn the kitchen down, loser.” 

MJ smiled as Peter flipped her off before heading to the kitchen, most likely to burn it down anyway. 

\--------------

Gwen ended up actually being pretty nice, which was terrible. 

The thing was, if Gwen had just been some stuck-up bitch with a nice face, MJ would have been able to get over her weird infatuation or whatever was going on. Unfortunately for her, Gwen’s personality was somehow even more attractive than her face and body combined. Not to mention her intelligence. 

That girl was a literal genius.

Normally, MJ would just ignore her desires. Of course there had been pretty girls in the past, and sure there may have been times where she really wanted to be held or run her fingers through their hair or whatever other relationship shit there was. She had just learned over time that it was better not to do anything about it. 

Why should she risk ruining someone’s perception of her for the chance of having a relationship that would last for two weeks and end in an Arby’s parking lot? It just didn’t seem worth it in the long run. Plus, the whole process of asking a girl out when MJ herself was a girl took a sense of care and prudence that she simply didn’t possess. If she was too subtle, she’d just be played off as being friendly. If she came on too strong and the girl was straight, she could get offended or grossed out or whatever. It was just too damn hard. 

The point was, the logical thing was to ignore Gwen Stacy. Feelings came and went, so she should push them down like she usually did, squash them down all the way to her feet until they were a mere memory and she could continue with her life as usual. 

She just wasn’t sure if she would be able to do that this time. 

It was a pretty frightening realization, actually. Peter wanted them all to be friends. Peter Parker, the kid who was always busy with something, took the time to invite them all over so she and Ned could get to know Gwen. Or, MJ figured, so she could get to know Gwen, because Ned also knew her from middle school. 

How the hell could she be friends with someone who made her face light up like a firetruck simply by existing? She couldn’t avoid her because Peter was persistent if nothing else, and even though they had literally just met, the last thing that MJ wanted was to hurt this girl’s feelings or make her feel inadequate. 

Which was why she had decided that staying late to explain everything to Peter. She had never really seen the need to come out to him before so it would probably be a bit of an awkward conversation, but it would avoid hurting Peter’s feelings in the long run so it was worth it. 

The awkward silence that had ensued after Ned and Gwen left was almost enough to make MJ change her mind.

“So, uh what-”

“I have to tell you something.” MJ honestly didn’t know why she was shaking, but for whatever reason it seemed to freak Peter the fuck out. 

“Um, what are you- -”

“It’s not a big deal, just- I don’t know how to say this. You know that I care about you, right? It’s not like it’s some big secret, things can just stay the same-”

Peter’s face was as white as a sheet. Honestly, MJ had never seen anything like it. “What’s wrong with you? Seriously, Peter, are you okay?”

“I- uh,” Peter stammered, “I’m fine. What are you talking about? I’m normal.”

Was the conversation making Peter… uncomfortable? Yeah, it was kind of a weird situation, but she hadn’t even said anything yet. 

“I don’t think you understand what I’m trying to tell you. You know, this isn’t entirely about me-”

“I know.” Peter’s voice came out as a whisper, but he may as well have screamed it. “Just- don’t say it. Please.”

What the fuck?

MJ’s jaw was practically touching the floor. “I don’t-”

“Who else?” The sheer gravity behind the question was enough to make MJ feel like he had just stabbed her in the chest and was slowly twisting the knife. Glancing up to look him in the eyes, she was perplexed and horrified to see that it looked like Peter’s eyes were three seconds away from filling up with tears. “Who else knows? Have you told anyone else?”

She wanted to tell him that it was none of his fucking buisness. She wanted to scream at him, to yell that it shouldn’t be such an issue, what the actual fuck Parker. Why did he care? She thought he wouldn’t care. 

Instead, she silently shook her head, silently begging Peter to change his tune. 

“Please don’t. Please, just- keep it to yourself. I can’t-”

With that, MJ was up and storming out of the apartment. On her way out she slammed the front door hard enough to rattle the entire wall, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. 

What the fuck had happened? That had to have been one of the weirdest exchanges that MJ had experienced in her entire life. 

He was so disgusted that he didn’t even let her say it. 

Was she really alone? Peter had been her closest friend for over a year, and this is what it came to? There was no way. 

It was just too weird. Too un-Peter-like. 

There had to be something else going on. 

\--------------

Peter’s heart was still racing long after MJ had left. 

Just his luck. Mr. Stark was ignoring him, he couldn’t save anyone as Spider-Man, and then MJ had to come forward with that. 

He had expected her to find out about Spider-Man sooner or later, but he hadn’t expected her to confront him about it. It was bad enough that Ned knew, but now MJ?

Why did he always end up putting everyone he loved in danger? Seriously, he couldn’t do anything right.

“Karen, what’s the probability that MJ hates me?”

Peter had been planning on patrolling after his friends left to make up for lost time, but all he could do was sit on the roof in disbelief. 

“I cannot calculate that probability, Peter, but I don’t think I understand. You think she hates you because you’re Spider-Man?”

“You didn’t see her face, K. She was disgusted. I don’t-” Peter cut himself off as his voice began to grow tight. Pathetic. 

“I’m so scared. It’s- she’s in so much danger now. She knows.” Hell, she was already in danger before she knew. Everyone he loved was in danger and it was all his fault because if he didn’t try to play superhero they would be safe. But then innocent people would die, and that would be his fault. 

It was like some fucked up trolley problem. Was he actively choosing to save however many people, but choosing to kill MJ? Or Gwen, or Ned, or May?

It was one thing when he thought he was only putting himself in danger, but what stopped it from one day being their lives in danger instead of his? It could just as easily be Ned getting stabbed in an alley, or Gwen falling from the sky in a plane, or MJ being drowned in a lake so cold that it felt like her bones were freezing as she flailed to break free from the parachute as it pushed her down, down, down-

Or it could be May crying out for help to deaf ears as the chunks of concrete begin to settle, crushing her further into the hard ground. May’s pained coughs could fill the eerie silence as she desperately tried and failed to get the dust out of her lungs. Next time it could be May’s body going numb and vision going dark instead of his, and she didn’t have superpowers to pick the building up off of herself. 

And knowing him, he wouldn’t be able to save her. He couldn’t save any of them. 

Next time.

The idea that there would definitely be a next time was terrifying. He couldn’t-

Next time. 

“Peter, breathe.”

Karen’s voice was muffled by the pounding of the blood in Peter’s head. His head was spinning, throbbing- oh hey, when did he sit down?

“You’re having a panic attack, Peter. I need you to breathe.”

Breathe how? MJ wouldn’t be able to after someone finds out she’s affiliated with him. 

“I’m alerting Mr. Stark to your condition.”

Well, that caught his attention.

His adrenaline-addled brain was screaming at him by that point. Honestly, it was what he deserved. Someone as pathetic as him, why did he think he could be special?

“Please don’t.” He knew that begging wouldn’t do anything and that he should just accept whatever happened as a consequence, because he deserved it. But he really didn’t want to.

“I already have.”

“Shit.”

Peter ripped his mask off with one of his shaking hands and used it to wipe the mucus and tears from his face. 

Very heroic. Honestly, that patrol was his best one yet. Having a fucking panic attack on the roof of his apartment building instead of actually saving lives had been Peter’s favorite part of the day. How many people had died because of his little episode?

All he could do was cry.

\--------------

MJ was fine. 

Okay, maybe Parker had literally broken down when she tried to come out to him. And maybe she had been sitting on the couch for a good portion of the past 24 hours and her anxiety had convinced her that no one in her life actually wanted to be with her and that she was a burden on everyone she cared about. 

Other than that, Michelle Jones was a-okay. 

The fact that she hadn’t left her couch for a concerningly long amount of time was fine. Healthy, even, because at that very moment she was watching Magic School Bus. 

Which was science. Which was mentally enriching. 

Not bothering to look up as she heard a knock on the front door. Assuming that her mom had forgotten something and decided to turn around instead of going to the grocery store, MJ sank deeper into her seat. “Don’t you have a key?”

Instead of an answer, MJ heard louder knocking, which was weird. 

It was weird because MJ physically saw her mom pick up her keys from the countertop before leaving for the grocery store. It was possible that her hands were just full and she wanted MJ to open the door for her, but she hadn’t even been gone for fifteen minutes. How could she have managed to buy any groceries and still gotten back home in fifteen minutes?

Groaning in protest, MJ dragged to herself off of the couch and to the front door. She unlocked and opened the door, prepared to tease her mother relentlessly for somehow getting locked out of the apartment, but was surprised to be met with the figure of not her mother, but Gwen Stacy.

Hot Gwen Stacy. Not that she knew any other Gwen Stacy, of course. 

MJ blushed, suddenly very aware that she hadn’t changed clothes since they had watched that movie at Parker’s the day before, and her ‘messy bun’ made it look like she had recently been swept up in a tornado. 

Despite this, Gwen’s smile made it seem like she was looking at the most gorgeous girl in the world. Strange. 

“Hey, Michelle! I really hope this isn’t too weird but-”

“MJ,” she blurted out, surprising even herself. Gwen wasn’t her friend, MJ had literally been lowkey aggressive toward her for as long as they’d known each other. 

“MJ.” Gwen smiled again and holy shit, MJ could have melted.

Why did it feel like there were so many butterflies in MJ’s stomach that it felt like she was about to explode?

“So, you ready to go?” 

As much as MJ would have loved to ridicule her for the sheer awkwardness dripping from that statement, there was an important point that hadn’t been addressed.

“Go where? Also, how do you even know where I live? Are you stalking me? Because if so, that’s no cool at all.”

The way that all of the color drained from Gwen’s already pale face would have been comical if MJ wasn’t so confused. 

“Dude, Ned told you that I was coming to cheer you up or whatever. Like, you’ve been feeling down, lately, right?”

MJ shot the other girl a pointed look, refusing to answer the question. 

“Well, Ned’s busy tutoring and Peter’s busy doing whatever he does all the time, so Ned said he’d ask you if you wanted to hang out with me, and then he said that you said yes, so he gave me your address and phone number so I thought-”

“What?”

After pulling out her phone from her pocket, MJ could confirm that she had a text from an unknown number warning her that the person was ‘on her way’, and various texts from Ned, the last of which informing MJ that she ‘knew what to do from here.’ 

Fucking Leeds. This was his doing. 

The way that Gwen’s face fell as she realized that MJ had not, in fact, requested her company made MJ want to cry.

“I’m so sorry, I can just leave. I’ll delete your number too, I just thought-”

“No.” The force behind that word caused them both to look at each other in shock for a second, before MJ continued. “No, it’s ok. I’m not doing anything, we can just chill here or do whatever you had planned. Really, I’d like to.”

Well, that was a rollercoaster. 

“I- uh, actually-”

Gwen was blushing, which made MJ’s stomach drop. What if she had overstepped? What if Gwen had been relieved that she didn’t actually have to spend time with MJ and then-

“I actually got us a reservation at that new cat cafe. You know, because your personality kinda reminds me of a cat’s so- I mean, not in a bad way of course! I love cats! Wait I didn’t mean-”

MJ wanted to be disgusted at this clear act of intended friendship. She really did. 

But MJ also fucking loved cats.

“Okay, let’s go.” 

\--------------

“I- Gwen!” 

MJ’s face flushed as she desperately tried not to grab the other girl’s hand out of excitement. 

Who could blame her? Cats were exciting. 

Gwen just glanced at her with a fond smile growing on her face. “I told you this would make you feel better.”

“Shut up, you jerk.” The words barely had any heat to them, but to be fair it was extremely difficult to be threatening when told that she could pet the cats.

Like, not even just pet them. They could climb all over her if they wanted to. 

“Of course you can touch the cats, MJ. Why else would it be called a cat cafe?”

MJ would have destroyed her with a witty remark. She could have absolutely obliterated her, but the cat on her lap had just begun to purr and it was very distracting. 

“Look, Gwen! He likes me!” Gwen’s face lit up as MJ squealed. 

Squealed? MJ didn’t squeal. She was stone-cold, emotionless-

“Oh my god another one.” 

MJ barely allowed herself to breathe as another cat padded onto her lap and curled up beside the first one. 

“Do you want anything? Hot chocolate?”

Gwen patted one of the cats on the head as MJ nodded. She lazily stroked the new cat as she smiled. 

MJ couldn’t remember the last time she had been that happy. The cats made her feel strangely warm and fuzzy inside. She was content. 

That is, until Gwen turned around from where she was waiting in line to wink at her, and MJ’s insides turned into mush.

What the actual fuck.

There was no way that Gwen actually liked her... like that, right? MJ had been rude to her from the beginning in her own fucked up way of trying to appear nonchalant. They simply didn’t vibe. They were so vastly different that It felt like Gwen was on the moon and MJ was lost below the sea. There was absolutely no way that it would even be an option. Honestly, MJ was surprised that it seemed like they might be able to put up with each other as friends. 

Sure, Gwen was nice. And hot. And MJ would most definitely explode if she caught Gwen’s eyes on her one more time -- god damn it, Gwen Stacy. 

Gwen’s eyes -- bluer than the fucking sky on a sunny day, MJ noticed -- flitted over to meet MJ’s yet again as she carried both of their hot chocolates back to where MJ was sitting. 

Why was MJ so happy that she smiled at her? Looking into Gwen’s eyes gave her a weird butterflies-in-her-stomach feeling that MJ hadn’t experienced in quite a while. 

One of the cats meowed in protest as MJ shifted to accept her drink. 

“I got marshmallows, I hope that’s okay.”

That was more than okay. Marshmallows were a pinnacle of human achievement. 

“You know, you look really pretty today.” 

The blonde shifted to look at her, and it was at that moment that MJ appreciated the true value of being in a cat cafe. In awkward moments in the conversation, she could just pretend to be paying attention to the cats instead of internally freaking out because Gwen Stacy just said that she was pretty.

“Oh- uh, you too.” 

Real smooth. God, she was turning into Parker. 

“I mean- uh,” MJ looked around for something coherent to add to the conversation, which was difficult considering her brain had basically shut off because of the very pretty girl sitting beside her, close enough to touch their hands together. “Thank you. For picking this place, I mean. I like the cats a lot.”

Wow. It wasn’t every day that MJ actually admitted that she didn’t hate something. To be fair though, cats were pretty difficult to hate. 

“I like them too! They’re so cute.”

Gwen smiled, and MJ could have sworn she could have melted into the floor right then and there. 

“Yeah, also they sit on your lap and they’re so warm and heavy that it kind of feels like they’re hugging you. It’s… nice.”

MJ continued stroking the various cats on her lap, trying to ignore the strange look that Gwen was giving her. Sure, her statement might have revealed that she was extremely touch-starved, but who wasn’t? 

It was okay. The cats would shield her from any judgement. 

“Do you want a hug? I could totally spoon you right now, just say the word.”

MJ choked on her hot chocolate. Still coughing, she tried her best to soothe the startled cats by petting them.

If they left her, she would totally murder Gwen.

The thought sent a strange swell of courage flowing through MJ’s body. Her lips parted, and to her own horror, a simple command was what emerged from her vocal cords. 

“Then get over here.”

Gwen’s eyebrows raised in confusion, but if MJ didn’t know any better, she could have sworn that there was hope in her eyes. 

“You sure you’re okay with it?”

MJ smirked. How the hell could one person be so cute?

“Come on over, dork.” 

Gwen scoffed at the insult before putting down her empty cup and scooting closer to MJ.

“How the fuck are you done with that already? And watch the cats, jerk.”

The other girl responded by wrapping her arms around MJ like an octopus. 

“Hey- actually watch the cats, I’m serious.”

Gwen giggled as MJ made kissy noises at a cat that had been disturbed by the addition of another person to their very delicate arrangement. 

MJ sighed as she rested her head on top of Gwen’s, awkward silence ensuing. What the fuck was she supposed to talk to Gwen about when she could literally feel the warmth of her body pressed against her own? The weather? Airplane food? 

Luckily for her, Gwen was the one to finally break the silence. “Thank you for agreeing to come here, by the way. With me, I mean. I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel uncomfortable.”

“I’m not uncomfortable.” MJ’s strained tone caused Gwen to raise her brow, and yeah, even MJ could admit that she did not sound in any way relaxed. Forcing herself out of the comfortable position that she had been in with her head lying atop Gwen’s, MJ turned to look into Gwen’s eyes with her own, hoping that somehow her expression would convey that she did indeed enjoy Gwen’s company. 

It was worthless. MJ had never been good at expressions, and she was nervous. Nervous and uncomfortable were pretty similar. Hell, they were practically the same feeling. 

How was she supposed to maintain a healthy friendship with Gwen when the mere sight of her made MJ’s stomach fill with butterflies, and put a smile on her usually stoic face? This must be a new record. How on earth had MJ managed to ruin a friendship before it even happened? That was a new low point even for MJ. 

“Are you sure you’re okay-”

“I’m sorry.” Gwen furrowed her brow as MJ interrupted her, but MJ just felt like she was going to explode. “I’m so sorry for making this weird. I didn’t mean to, but I don’t know if we can do this again.”

“That’s okay, we don’t have to. I’m sorry if I’ve done anything to offend you or something. Are you sure you’re okay?”

Why would Gwen even entertain the idea that she was the issue? She was perfect.

“No it’s not that. It’s-” MJ paused. She had to explain. She couldn’t just avoid Gwen for the rest of the year, and it would be unfair to both of them if she was fucking pining after her like some kind of lost puppy. Emotion sucked, she decided. 

After a moment of awkward silence, MJ spat it out. “I just… like you. A lot.”

The confusion that was plastered onto Gwen’s face was expected, but that didn’t make it any less painful to look at. 

“I’m sorry, I know that must make you super uncomfortable. I’d like to try to be friends, believe me. You’re an amazing person, I can tell. It’s just- I don’t know if I’ll be able to not be weird since it feels like I’m holding myself back from literally kissing you -- not that I can’t control impulses like that, people who claim that they can’t do that are total bullshit -- yeah, I’m going to stop talking now.”

MJ’s face was burning red. What the fuck was that. 

“Can I?” 

MJ barely heard her over the blood rushing in her ears. “What?”

As a response, Gwen closed the space between them, until their faces were mere inches apart. The movement startled the cats enough that they jumped out of her lap, but MJ’s heart was beating so quickly that she couldn’t bring herself to care.

“Can I kiss you?”

If MJ thought that her face was red before, it was on fire now. Her head nodded, seemingly of its own accord, and Gwen smiled. 

Her smile was gorgeous. MJ would give anything to see that smile again. She reflexively closed her eyes as Gwen leaned in, and the soft peck on the lips that she received was like a drop of water in the middle of a desert. 

Beaming, MJ rested her head on Gwen’s shoulder, burying her face in the crook of her neck.

“I really like you.” Somehow, MJ wasn’t bothered by the fact that her smile was totally translated into the tone of her muffled declaration. 

Gwen’s entire body shook as she let out a low chuckle, before softly telling MJ the words that she’d been aching to hear for hours.

“I really like you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Feedback is greatly appreciated, and to be honest reading comments just makes my day. This fic should have a pretty regular update schedule.
> 
> Also, thank you to my amazing beta [EnchantingWriting](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnchantingWriting/pseuds/EnchantingWriting)! Go check out her writing, its enchanting :)
> 
> My Tumblr is [Astro_cat13](https://astro-cat13.tumblr.com)


	3. Chapter 3

The sound of repulsors had Peter hastily forcing himself up from where his body had been crumpled in a pile on the roof of his apartment building.

He barely had time to pull himself together enough to make it look like he hadn’t just had a mental breakdown before the iconic Iron Man suit landed in front of him. 

“Friday. Scan. Now.” The panic in Tony’s voice was palpable. Kind of weird, considering the fact that he hadn’t contacted Peter in months, but Peter guessed that a kid’s death would weigh pretty heavily on anyone’s conscience. 

“I’m fine, Mr. Stark, see?” He did a backflip to prove it before outstretching his arms and forcing a smile onto his face. “Ta-da!” 

“Okay… then what happened? Friday told me your vitals were abnormal.”

Shit. 

That was a question that he should have started to put together a coherent answer for the second that Karen contacted Mr. Stark, wasn’t it? Maybe he actually would have been wise for once and come up with something -- anything at all -- if he hadn’t been curled up on the ground a few moments prior, feeling like all of the air had been sucked out of his lungs. 

There was no way he could tell the truth. How was Peter supposed to look Tony Stark in the eye and say ‘Hey, Mr. Stark, you know how everyone told you that you were crazy for taking me on and all that? Well, they were right! I just had a mental breakdown in your multibillion dollar suit because I, someone who is supposed to protect the entire city, can’t protect the people closest to me. Oh, and I hacked said multibillion dollar suit, and that’s how you were contacted about said mental breakdown. Well, have a good day!’ 

That was not a good plan. 

“I- I don’t know, Mr. Stark.” 

The silence that followed his pathetic excuse for an explanation was deafening. 

“I mean, I know. I know and I am truly sorry, Mr. Stark. It will never happen again, you know I respect you and your rules very much-”

“What. Happened.” The venom in the man’s tone was enough to make Peter flinch back. 

“Well, you see, I was messing around. And then I- uh, almost fell. Yeah, I almost fell off the building and my heart rate probably went through the roof, you know, fight or flight? And then I guess it contacted you because I was in the suit and everything but it couldn’t sense a threat. Really smart suit, Mr. Stark. Very advanced technology.”

The eyes of the Iron Man suit shifted to look at the web shooters on Peter’s wrists. “You… almost fell?”

Peter quickly flung his hands behind his back, eyes widening as he realized his own mistake. 

“Yeah, uh, I’m all out of web formula. I was going to go get some more when I, uh, got distracted.” 

The mechanical whirring of the suit’s arms crossing made Peter want to scream. 

“I can’t believe you.” 

Peter’s stomach dropped. “No, please. You have to-”

His words were cut off by a wave of the suit’s mechanical hand.

“I can’t believe you, Peter. Playing around? This is the kind of behavior I’d expect from a four year old, not Spider-Man!”

Objectively, it was good that Mr. Stark had somehow believed Peter’s train wreck of a lie. Still, for some reason he couldn’t bring himself to be happy about it. 

“You know I’m taking a risk with you, Parker,” Tony continued. “I need you to start showing some maturity, can you do that? The responsibility that comes with this line of work is huge, so I need you to either step up or walk away.”

“I’ll step up, Mr. Stark. I promise, I can show you-”

“And that’s another thing.” The tears in Peter’s eyes threatened to fall as he was yet again cut off. “You’re a big boy now. You’re doing this to help people, not to impress mommy and daddy.” Peter winced at the mention of what he clearly didn’t have, but Tony didn’t seem to notice the error in his words. “That means you can help an old lady cross the road without running to tell Happy about it.”

“Happy reads my messages?” A stray tear made its way down Peter’s face at the revelation. 

He knew he shouldn’t be that affected by a simple piece of information like the fact that someone had seen his numerous messages. Hell, maybe he should have assumed that someone was. 

It was just that he had assumed someone would call him back once in a while if they were actually reading his messages. They could clearly see how sad and lonely he was, right? He barely even tried to hide it in his daily updates. 

“Yeah, kid. I get an earful from Happy every time I see him about getting you to leave him alone. In a way, it’s the highlight of my day. Although, between you and me, I’ve seen his electrocardiogram and you really should try to stop making him so angry.” The small chuckle that Tony gave at his own joke felt like nails on a chalkboard as it pounded its way through Peter’s head. 

He was such a burden. The way that he managed to be so fucking pathetic in what seemed to be literally every aspect of his life was almost impressive. 

“Seriously though. After a stunt like this, I have half a mind to just take the suit-”

“No!” Peter recoiled at his own volume, but what the hell?

He was just a kid from Queens. Without the suit, he was even less than that. Tony had to know that, how could he not?

“Relax, I’m not taking it away now. But Peter, you’re on thin fucking ice.”

Peter nodded as he willed the tears to leave his eyes. “Thank you. And, I’m really sorry, Mr. Stark. You didn’t have to come all the way out here, I know you’re a busy man-”

“Oh, I’m not... here.” The faceplate of the suit lifted to reveal nothing but wires, and Peter felt like throwing up. “It’s piloted remotely. Handy, huh?”

Peter pressed his hands into his face as he listened to the roar of the suit taking off, no doubt to fly back to Stark Tower where Mr. Stark was currently cursing the fact that out of all the kids in the world, he had chosen the most pathetic one to take under his wing. Or maybe he was laughing at the fact that Peter thought he was special enough to warrant an in-person visit from Iron Man himself. 

It took another hour for Peter to drag himself back down the fire escape and into his apartment. 

\--------------

It wasn’t until a few days after their cat cafe date that MJ finally worked up the courage to confide in Gwen about the whole coming out fiasco that still had her mind spinning. 

To be fair, she had been pretty distracted. Who could blame her, the girl she liked actually liked her back. That was an adequate reason for distraction, or at least in MJ’s opinion it was. 

In the relatively short time that MJ had known her, Gwen had been pretty mild-tempered. Yeah, when she was passionate about something it was different, but she was generally cool, calm, and collected. However, the question asked at the end of their walk to the library together that had become a common occurrence brought out another side of her.

“What?” The hissed question came out of Gwen’s mouth as just as they sat down, occupying their usual table in the quiet back corner of the library.

“Hey, it’s okay, please don’t be mad. I just asked you a question.” Gwen wasn’t yelling, not really, but she was getting there. The expression on her face made MJ want to drop the subject. 

“MJ, you just asked me if Peter’s homophobic! That doesn’t even- did he like, do something?” The concern painted onto Gwen’s face only made MJ’s stomach sink deeper. 

“I- I mean, yeah kind of. I stayed late after we watched that movie together last week because I wanted to tell him why I was trying to avoid you so he’d stop literally forcing me to be near you.” 

Gwen gave a bewildered chuckle at MJ’s confession, and MJ just let out a small smile. “Don’t laugh at me. You know you’re like, literally irresistible, and I didn’t want to want to be awkward around you all the time.”

“Ah, I see. The Garden of Eden or whatever.” Gwen wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, and MJ just groaned. 

Neither of them brought up the fact that Gwen’s hand had somehow gravitated toward hers and grabbed it, interlocking their fingers together like some kind of weird venus flytrap, but she didn’t pull away either. “Yeah, anyway, I hadn’t told him that I’m… like this. I guess I just figured it wouldn’t be a big deal or anything, but he freaked out before I even said anything. It was so bizarre, he was like ‘I know. Don’t tell anyone else. I can’t handle it.’ Like, what? He can’t handle it? Like, what the fuck?”

“He said that to you?” Gwen’s brow furrowed as MJ nodded. “I just- I really have a hard time thinking that Peter would have a problem with that kind of thing. Like, we’re talking about the kid who used to read to the dogs in the animal shelter during his free time.”

MJ smirked at the image that fact put in her head. She could totally see him doing that. “I was hoping it was some kind of misunderstanding and that we could figure it out, but he wouldn’t let me say anything, and then I left.”

A high-pitched squeak echoed through the library as Gwen scooted her chair to be closer to MJ. “I don’t- I’m so sorry, MJ. This must be so hard for you. Are you okay?” 

MJ gave a small smile at her girlfriend’s concerns. “It’s okay, I’m fine. We can figure it out, he’ll… he’ll come around, right?” 

It was painfully clear that she was only trying to convince herself that she was correct, but Gwen was nice enough not to point it out. “Yeah. Yeah, we’ll talk to him tomorrow at school.”

MJ sighed as she nodded. There was something weird happening, she could sense it. 

What the fuck was up with Peter Parker?

\--------------

Peter was fine. 

In fact, he was more than just fine. He was spectacular. He was in his prime years and having the time of his life. Well, maybe not the time of his life, but his thoughts were significantly quieter while he was out patrolling. 

Which was how he ended up tailing a sketchy man that Karen had identified as Jackson Brice, one of the men who was on the ferry. 

After weeks of complete silence, it was pretty exciting to finally have some semblance of a lead. Yeah, maybe he was supposed to be at school and yeah, maybe he was missing a spanish quiz, but he was grinning from ear to ear under his mask. 

He could pull his grade up later. This was more important. 

When Peter said that the man he was trailing was sketchy, he meant it. He was sitting in the patio of a cafe wearing a trenchcoat, sunglasses, and was talking into his coffee cup. It was like he was the classic spy movie villain. 

It was so perfect that, if he didn’t already have confirmation that the man was associated with Toomes and the whole alien weapons black market, Peter would almost think he was being set up.

Peter’s head shot up as the man began talking into his cup again. “What’s he saying, Karen?”

“I don’t know. Mr. Stark programmed a feature into your suit that would allow you to listen to his conversation, but it appears to be blocked. In fact, I seem to be the only aspect of the training wheels protocol that has not been blocked. Do you know the reason for this?”

Peter winced at the AI’s question. “No- uh, it’s fine. Never mind, Karen. I’ll just keep watching him.”

“Are you sure? I would advise alerting Mr. Stark to your suspicions, especially if the suit has been malfunctioning.”

“It’s not malfunctioning!” Peter took a deep breath before lowering his volume. “I’ll call Mr. Stark once I actually have something. I’m sorry for yelling, it’s not your fault that-”

That what? That he was so weak that he couldn’t do one thing without going crying to- what had Mr. Stark said? His mommy and daddy?

Sighing, Peter directed his attention back to his suspect, who was frantically scribbling words that Peter couldn’t see onto a napkin.

That was definitely suspicious. 

Suddenly, the man shot up from his seat, causing the surrounding customers to stop what they were doing and look at him. Peter ducked around the building that he was hiding behind so he could see the man as he walked off, but remained hidden from public view. 

He tailed the man for a few minutes before watching him glance around and duck into the backseat of a car, throwing a crumpled napkin out the window as the car peeled off.

Stumbling to get to the napkin in question before it was carried away by the wind, Peter knew that something was up. It was too perfect. Too old-spy-movie-esque. 

When he opened the napkin, it was revealed to bear the simple words ‘Pier 5, 9:00.’ 

It was a trap.

Peter wasn’t stupid. There was no way in hell that a man in a trench coat practically giving him a location and time without any prompting whatsoever wasn’t a trap. 

Could he take the risk, though? If he got there and it was a trap, he could just run away. Or fight whoever was waiting for him, Peter figured. 

Even if there were people waiting for him, it would be worth it to get any information about the weapons. Lives would be saved. 

What if he didn’t go, and the shipment of weapons or whatever was happening ended up killing people? He’d never be able to live with himself. 

Armed with an internal debate that felt like it was about to tear him in half from the inside out, Peter began to swing to school.

Maybe he’d be able to catch the end of lunchtime. 

\--------------

“Michelle!” 

MJ’s head snapped up from where it had been resting on the hard cafeteria table. Eyes flitting wildly around the room, the only thing she could make out about the situation was an entire table of children staring at her, and Betty Brant angrily waving a form in her face. 

After a moment of silence, Ned finally took pity on her and filled her in. “MJ, Betty wants to know if you want to buy any school merchandise. Like, you know, a sweatshirt or something.”

“Why the fuck would I pay money for clothes from the school I go to?” Why did they have to wake her up for that? It was bad enough that Peter seemed to be skipping class today, and now Betty Brant decides to yell at her about school spirit or whatever? What a day. 

“MJ, be nice! Sorry, Betty.”

Betty made a face in response before walking away, and MJ would have taken offence to that if she wasn’t so damn tired. “What? You guys can’t seriously tell me I’m wrong.”

“You do realize that both Ned and I are wearing school sweatshirts, right?” Gwen shot her a smile to make sure MJ knew she was just joking, and she could have melted. 

Instead, she just muttered, “shut up, asshole,” and rested her head back onto the table. 

Where was Peter? MJ hardly thought highly enough about herself to assume that he was skipping to avoid her, but it really seemed like he was avoiding her. She still had barely seen him since their movie night, and whatever interactions they’d had over the past week had been cold and detached on Peter’s end. 

MJ just wanted the kid to show up soon so they could figure out whatever the hell was going on between them. 

“Does Peter seem… I don’t know, just weird to you right now, Ned?” MJ inwardly groaned as she tuned in just in time to hear Gwen ask the question in the most nauseating fake-nonchalant tone of voice that she had ever heard. 

“Right now? I mean, he’s not here right now-”

Sensing that Gwen was about to tease Ned for misunderstanding her question, MJ rested her hand atop Gwen’s arm to silence her before she even opened her mouth. “When she said right now, she actually meant, like, around now. Has he been acting weird lately?” She tried her best to keep her tone light -- as light as it could be, anyway -- since she knew that misreading social situations was something that Ned was extremely self-conscious about. 

She offered him a tight-lipped smile as he glanced at her with what seemed to be gratitude. “Oh. I mean, he’s been super busy so maybe he’s stressed, but he’s always busy. You know, with his internship and everything.” 

Gwen nodded in agreement, but MJ’s attention was torn from the conversation by the out-of-breath teenage boy who had just sprinted into the cafeteria. 

She had expected that Peter would continue avoiding her -- or at least be super awkward about talking to her -- but to her surprise, he grinned and bounded over to their table, not a care in the world. 

“Yes, I made it! I was so sure that I’d miss lunch. Aw, MJ, you saved me a seat!” 

Peter plopped down right between Gwen and MJ, on the seat that MJ had previously been using to prop up her feet. Oblivious to the fact that both girls were staring at him as if he had grown a second head, he tore the PB&J out of his bag and ate as if he hadn’t in days. 

“Hey, Peter!” Ned, like Peter, didn’t notice the tense air of the lunch table and instead reached across the table to offer his best friend a high five. “Where have you been, dude? I missed you in first period!”

“I stayed up studying again, so I slept in.”

MJ could barely refrain from rolling her eyes at Peter’s bullshit excuse. Sleeping in until 12:30 on a school day was pretty damn difficult. Not to mention MJ knew for a fact that the positioning of Peter’s bedroom combined with his shitty curtains made it impossible to stay asleep after 8 on a sunny morning. 

Which, she could admit, was pretty weird information for her to know, but MJ happened to be a very observant individual. 

“May didn’t wake you up?” Peter paled at Gwen’s innocent question, and MJ was just glad to see that she wasn’t the only one not buying his whole story.

“Oh, uh, she tried. But, you know- she had a morning shift, so I fell asleep again after she left.” 

MJ furrowed her brow, but stayed quiet. 

After a few seconds of awkward silence, Gwen reached over Peter and roughly grasped MJ’s hand, and MJ was startled to see that her girlfriend looked like she was about to be sick. “I can’t take this anymore. I’m sorry, can I-” Gwen trailed off, but MJ heard the unasked question.

Was it okay for her to bring up the botched coming-out that had been making MJ’s head spin for the past week?

MJ’s gut said no, absolutely the fuck not. She would bring it up with him herself. 

The thing was, she had been in the process of bringing it up for days. It was honestly getting pretty annoying, but for some reason she just froze up whenever she even thought about trying. 

It shouldn’t be that big of a deal, but Peter was acting weird, and despite what Ned said, MJ knew it wasn’t just ‘internship stuff.’ She’d seen Peter freak out because he was overworked before, and this was pretty similar, but not exactly. 

She couldn’t figure it out.

Maybe Gwen could figure it out. Maybe she was making everything more complicated than it had to be, and they’d come to a pleasant conclusion. 

Before she could change her mind, MJ lightly squeezed Gwen’s hand and gave her a slight nod. 

Both Ned and Peter were staring at Gwen, their faces contorted in confusion. Not looking at either of them, Gwen took a deep breath. 

“It’s- I mean, it’s not a big deal or anything, but there’s something I- I mean we want to tell you guys. We’re all the same people, it’s just that some of us need to open up about our identities-”

The apple that Peter had been just about to bite into dropped to the floor as he stared at Gwen, and then turned to look at MJ with horror seeping into his expression. 

“You- I can’t believe you told her! I can’t-”

Peter shot up from his seat, and everyone else at the table flinched at the sound of the chair scraping against the ground. 

“I have to go.” 

Ned, MJ, and Gwen all collectively stared in disbelief as Peter literally ran out of the cafeteria with the same urgency that he had when he entered. 

“MJ, is this about you being gay?” Ned looked to the door and back at MJ, who was blushing but ultimately nodded.

“You knew?” MJ’s voice was small, and she felt her stomach drop. Ned was oblivious to literally anything, if he’d figured it out then how long had Peter known?

She felt Gwen’s hand squeeze her own, the other girl shifting to sit in the seat next to MJ that had been Peter’s.

Well, originally it had belonged to MJ’s feet, but that wasn’t important. 

“Yeah, I mean, I’ve had it figured out for a while- oh shit! Are you two together?” 

MJ’s blush deepened, but Gwen just smiled and silently nodded at him. 

“Peter’s being weird about it. I tried to tell him I’m gay when we watched that movie at his place.” MJ hated to bring the group’s attention back to the issue at hand, but she literally couldn’t think about anything else. “I don’t- do you think it could be some kind of misunderstanding? This isn’t like him at all.” 

MJ saw Gwen’s shoulders drop the way they did when she thought MJ was thinking self-deprecating thoughts.

“MJ, you know none of this is your fault-” MJ covered Gwen’s mouth with her hand before she could get that far into the all-too-familiar spiel of self confidence -- which MJ had plenty of, thank you very much -- but offered a small smile anyway.

“I- that really sucks, I’m sorry. I’ll talk to him about it sometime, try to see what’s going on.” Ned’s brow was furrowed in concern, and neither MJ nor Gwen could blame him. They’d each already racked their brains for hours, trying to come up with some kind of simple explanation for everything, because there had to be one, right?

“Thanks, Ned.” MJ smiled at him, trying to allow her expression to convince him that everything was okay. 

“Oh my god, can I be the best man at your wedding? Man of honor? Whatever.”

Both Gwen and MJ chuckled at Ned’s blatant attempt to lighten the mood. 

“No way. I’m not getting married, have you seen my side profile? The pictures would be a nightmare.”

MJ gasped in mock disgust when she heard that Gwen wouldn’t marry her. Honestly, it was pretty rude. Because she was an excellent girlfriend, instead of giving into temptation and flipping her off, MJ pressed a soft kiss to the side of Gwen’s nose. 

“Shut up, your side profile is beautiful.”

Gwen smiled and leaned into the kiss, ignoring the fact that Ned was practically vibrating with excitement at the blatant display of affection. “If you say so.”

MJ smiled, but the absence of their best friend weighed on her like a pound of bricks, and she could tell Gwen felt the same way.

They’d figure out what was going on with Peter. They had to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Feedback is greatly appreciated, and to be honest reading comments just makes my day. This fic should have a pretty regular update schedule.
> 
> Also, thank you to my amazing beta [EnchantingWriting](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnchantingWriting/pseuds/EnchantingWriting)! Go check out her writing, its enchanting :)
> 
> My Tumblr is [Astro_cat13](https://astro-cat13.tumblr.com)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for eating disorders (there isn't an actual eating disorder but the contents of this chapter could be triggering) and general self-hatred on Peter's end

Peter wasn’t able to keep any food down for the rest of the day. 

Now, usually that would be a pretty mild inconvenience. Sure, being hungry sucked, but any normal person would just drink some water and try to wait the nausea out. 

The issue was, Peter wasn’t a normal person. He had been bitten by a literal radioactive spider that the fucking Oscorp employees were too fucking dense to keep locked in its fucking cage.

Okay, maybe he had a grudge, but Peter felt that it was justified. Especially since the spider DNA was what had him curled up under his bed, clutching his stomach in agony as he inwardly begged for his nausea to subside. 

Unfortunately for him, the thought of his hunger only made him think about the reason that he’d only eaten a PB&J sandwich since waking up, which just so happened to be because he was literally the worst friend that anyone could have.

Not only was MJ in danger, but now so was Gwen. Seriously, he had just had her back for a little over two weeks and she could already die because of him. 

He should have seen it coming. It went without saying that everything was his fault. If he wasn’t so fucking stupid, he would have actually talked to MJ when she first confronted him. Logically, Peter knew she was going to figure it out at some point, so he should have been ready. 

He wasn’t. 

Their conversation replaying over and over in his mind only made the nausea worse. If he had said anything remotely helpful, maybe a quick ‘I need you to understand that telling anyone else would put them in danger, and I couldn’t live with myself if that happened,’ Gwen would be safe.

Well, relatively safe. Anyone who associated themselves with Spider-Man -- knowingly or otherwise -- was putting themselves in danger, but he couldn’t think about that while still struggling to keep what he had left of his sanity intact. 

Speaking of sanity, or lack thereof, 9:00 was quickly approaching and Peter still had yet to eat anything.

Was he really going to go to a location literally given to him by a suspect, and walk straight into a trap while feeling like his stomach was eating itself from the inside out?

The reasonable voice in his head -- that, funnily enough, sounded like MJ -- told him to stop being an idiot.

The problem was, every time he even imagined himself staying curled up under his bed instead of going after the first lead he’d had in what felt like ages, the words ‘with great power comes great responsibility’ pulsed through ears until his head hurt almost as much as his stomach.

If there was even a chance that going to the meeting place would save an innocent person’s life, he owed it to Ben to try. 

Peter didn’t even want to think about how the phrase ‘you’re doing this to help people, not to impress mommy and daddy’ was almost as loud in his head.

He had to go. His own weakness wasn’t a valid excuse, and it was pathetic that he’d thought for even a second that it might be. 

His stomach clenched in pain as he forced himself to get up. Checking his watch, Peter weakly smiled in relief when he saw that he had time for a quick dinner before leaving. 

For as long as he could remember, Peter had trouble keeping food down when he was nervous about something. Over the years, it had just become a fact of life. He had way too many memories of May struggling to force an apple or some oatmeal down his throat before decathlon tournaments.

Apparently both his father and Ben had been the same when they were kids. Ben swore that they’d both outgrown it with age, but neither Peter nor May missed the way that he was always ‘too busy for breakfast’ on days where he had job interviews. 

Of course, Ben was gone. Just like how MJ and Gwen could die. Maybe they’d all be together wherever people went after they died. Maybe they’d talk about him, curse his name, complain about how they’d all be alive if it wasn’t for him-

“Peter!” 

The bowl that had somehow ended up in his hands while he was lost in thought clattered to the ground as he flinched back from the unexpected noise. Peter stared in horror at May’s face, slowly morphing into one of concern as Peter’s stomach let out an angry rumble.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to drop it-”

“Are you okay? Peter, you look awful! Was- was that sound your stomach?” Peter winced at her fear-filled voice. He really couldn’t do anything right, could he? 

Trying to stop his hands from shaking so much, Peter continued making himself the cereal that his stomach was begging for. “I’m okay. I’ve just felt a little sick today.” 

“Did you feel bad this morning? Do you feel nauseous? Have you taken your temp-”

Peter couldn’t help but chuckle at May’s panicked nurse-rambling. “I’m just going to try to eat some cereal.” To demonstrate, he took a comically large bite of his cheerios and chewed it slowly.

“Okay, kiddo. I’ll call the school tomorrow morning and tell them you’re not coming in.” Peter leaned into her touch as she ruffled his hair. 

“Thanks, May- oh shit.”

He cut himself off as he began to gag, throwing a hand over his mouth and sprinting to the bathroom. Maybe the cheerios hadn’t been the best idea after all. 

He made it just in time to heave the little food that was left in his stomach into the toilet. Coughing painfully, he got up and rinsed the bile from his mouth in the sink.

“Oh, Peter.” May stood in the doorway, a worried expression on her face. “Go lie down, it’s okay. I’ll bring you some water in a minute.”

Peter was about to comply, but then he glanced down and saw his watch. 

It was almost 8:30. The crumpled napkin from that morning weighed heavily in Peter’s pocket. 

Pier 5, 9:00.

“Actually, I think I’ll probably just go to sleep now. Maybe I’ll feel better tomorrow.”

May looked skeptical, but to Peter’s relief, she nodded her head. “Okay. Tell me if you need anything.”

Peter hobbled to his bedroom before pulling on the Spider-Man suit. His whole body ached as he climbed out his window and dropped down to the fire escape below. 

This wasn’t going to be fun.

\--------------

There was no one at the pier when Peter arrived. 

That was probably a good thing seeing as the fairly long trip over was not great on his still-throbbing stomach and throat, but it definitely did nothing to ease his fears that he was walking straight into a trap. 

Which, honestly, he knew he probably was. 

His stomach had finally begun to settle, but the hunger had started to gnaw at the walls of his stomach like a savage beast trying to claw its way out of a cage. 

He shouldn’t have come.

Peter wished he was in his apartment sleeping, and he hated himself for it. 

How could he call himself a hero if he was selfish enough to put his own comfort ahead of potentially stopping dangerous weapons from getting in the wrong hands? The situation could literally be life or death for an innocent person, and he wanted to be at home in bed.

It was no wonder that Mr. Stark thought he was immature. 

His heart rate grew faster and faster as the time on the napkin passed, but he stayed still. He watched and waited, careful to be quiet in case there was someone nearby that he couldn’t see. 

Suddenly, what felt like an electric shock ran down his spine. Peter paled at the sensation. His spider-sense was known to go haywire when he was sick, but he had a terrible feeling that something was actually wrong.

“Karen! What’s happening?”

“There is a truck currently headed for George Washington Bridge, and my facial recognition has identified the driver as Jackson Brice, who you have been tailing for quite some time.”

Time seemed to stand still for a second. He had been given a fake location.The weapons guy was leaving New York, and who knows where he was going?

Peter had to catch him.

“Karen, target the location of that truck.”

Seeing the fastest route to intercept the truck appear, Peter swung toward the target as if his life depended on it.

Someone’s life probably did depend on it. 

His entire body seemed to scream out in protest, and it almost felt like there was a building crushing him, knocking all of the air from his lungs until he couldn’t breathe anymore-

There was nothing crushing him. There was no building, he wasn’t being dropped in a lake or falling from the sky in a plane or anything else that still had him waking up in the middle of the night, cold sweat coating his sheets. 

He was shaking with weakness, and every stride felt like it would be his last. 

“The truck has stopped at a gas station. If you increase your pace, you may be able to intercept it on the bridge.”

Arms burning, he followed Karen’s instructions and sped toward the bridge, already losing track of how long he’d been swinging for. 

“Peter, you seem to be suffering from exhaustion and malnourishment. Are you sure that I shouldn’t call Mr. Stark for backup?”

Peter groaned as Karen repeated the sentence that he’d heard what must have been at least a million times that night. He considered giving her the silent treatment, but he didn’t want to make her sad. 

Could the AI get sad? Probably not, but he didn’t want to risk it. Anyway, talking with her was almost enough of a distraction to pull his attention away from his aching limbs and terror that he wouldn’t get to the bridge in time. 

“No thanks, K. You know that I’ve been trying really hard not to bother him as much lately, and I should be able to handle this on my own. It’s not his problem that I’m not strong enough.”

The AI faltered for a second, undoubtedly about to lecture him about something or another, but Peter’s attention was torn away from her by the sight of a black truck speeding toward George Washington Bridge. 

Peter shot a web at a support beam of the bridge, swinging toward the truck before he could second-guess himself. “That’s him, right?”

“Yes, Peter, the driver of that truck is Jackson Brice, and I am detecting traces of alien technology coming from the vehicle.”

Well, that was good enough for him. 

Peter dropped to the ground and began to speed toward the back of the truck, trying not to flinch as the sound of numerous car horns assaulted his ears. 

He was so tired. Exhaustion seeped through his body all the way to the bone, weighing like boulders as he sprinted as fast as he could. It wasn’t enough, the truck was just going too fast. Brice must have realized what was going on, because he stepped on the gas. 

Peter couldn’t let him get away. 

Instinctively, Peter shot a web at the back of the truck in a last-ditch attempt to keep it from getting away, and to his surprise it caught onto the truck. He hastily shot another from his other hand, and struggled to keep up with the increasing speed of the truck. 

Maybe doing that was a bad idea. The ground was burning his feet, he felt like he was about to collapse, and the truck began to swerve wildly as the driver tried to get Peter off. Maybe he should just let go. He wasn’t strong enough to stop a moving truck on a good day, not to mention a day where he hadn’t eaten all day and was being consumed alive by anxiety and guilt. 

Who was he kidding, he couldn’t just let go. He’d die before letting another innocent person get killed because of his own incompetence. 

Peter dug his feet into the ground, and did what he could to remain upright. Then, to his surprise, Jackson Brice stuck his head out the drivers side window and turned to look at him. 

“I don’t know what your obsession with me is, but you need to drop it,” the man yelled, swerving wildly even though he couldn’t see the road ahead of him while he was turned around to talk to Peter. “I know you and Toomes had your problems, but he’s locked up now. You have no reason to keep coming after me like this.”

Peter’s brow furrowed at the man’s strange behavior. “I don’t- look out!” 

He screamed the warning just a second too late, and the truck collided head-on with oncoming traffic that was trying to cross the bridge. Brice’s body, limp in unconsciousness, rolled back into the driver’s seat of the truck and Peter felt like he was about to vomit for the second time that night. 

Just as he was about to approach the truck to see if the man was alive, a semi-truck came out of what seemed to be nowhere and rammed into the side of the unconscious man’s vehicle, sending it careening toward the edge of the bridge.

Peter stood in horror as he watched the truck begin to roll off the side of the bridge. It wasn’t until he felt the tug at his wrists that he remembered that his webs were still attached to the back of the truck. 

Shit.

His legs throbbed as he ran, and he had to hold back a cry of pain as he braced them against a support beam on the side of the bridge and tried to pull the truck back onto the bridge. 

It wasn’t coming. He was stuck, and everything in his being screamed for him to drop the truck. 

He had to. He wasn’t strong enough to pull the truck back onto the bridge from where it was dangling helplessly. There was no other option. 

But that wasn’t Jackson Brice’s fault. The man didn’t deserve to die at Peter’s hand because he was in over his head. That was Peter’s own fault. And what about the alien tech? There’s no way he would be able to fish the tech out of the Hudson by himself, and even if he somehow managed to, how would he know he got all of it?

Peter was so lost in thought that he didn’t even notice that he was beginning to slip until it was too late. 

His own scream of terror filled his ears as he hurried to release one of his hands from the truck so he could catch himself on the bridge. 

He felt like he was about to be torn in half. Tears filled his eyes as his entire body burned, one arm shaking as it clutched the web attached to the back of the truck, and the other arm shaking as it clutched the web attached to the bridge, keeping both himself and the man in the truck from falling to their deaths. 

In any other situation, Peter would have found the similarity between this scenario and the one on the ferry almost funny. 

Fuck, trucks were heavy. 

Peter’s vision was growing spotty, and he fought to stay awake with everything he had. 

Where was Karen? Logically, he knew that there was nothing she could do to help him, but her silence was uncharacteristic of her. 

Why was he so pathetic? He literally couldn’t do anything right, and now people would suffer. A selfish part of him hoped that his friends and May wouldn’t think too poorly of him when he inevitably dropped the truck, but the rational part of him knew that his one job was to keep the man and weapons in the truck safe, and he couldn’t even do that. Why would-

The truck was getting lighter. 

At first he thought it was just his imagination, but it wasn’t. The truck was really getting lighter. 

Peter looked down in shock, only to be met with the sight of a familiar red and gold suit lifting the truck back up to the bridge. 

The loss of weight was relieving, but the black spots in his vision weren’t going away. In fact, they were getting bigger. 

Peter’s head lolled back, only to land with a thunk against the cold metal of the Iron Man suit. That was weird, he didn’t remember getting picked up. 

Before he had time to think about it too much, he was set down on a rooftop. 

That was crazy. The truck just fell, and-

Oh shit, the truck.

“Mr. Stark!” Peter was way too tired to keep the panic out of his voice. “The truck! I- it had alien weapons, you have to-”

“I know, my people are on it.” The words should have reassured Peter, but his tone was enough to make Peter want to cry. 

“I’m sorry-”

“You’re sorry?” Mr. Stark cut Peter’s apology off with the wave of an armored hand, and Peter felt like screaming. “Not only do you go behind my back and track down more alien technology, but you hack a multi-billion dollar suit?”

Peter stood still, shell-shocked at the fact that Tony knew. “You- how did you-”

“Unbelievable. You’re not even denying it? You hack my suit that I’m gracious enough to let you use and you ask how I found out about it?”

He tried to find the right words to say, but all Peter could get himself to do was stand silently.

“The AI contacted me. And don’t you give me any ‘the suit sensed danger’ shit, I talked to her. She said she talked to you.”

“I’m sorry-”

“No!” Peter flinched back at the exclamation, but the billionaire didn’t seem to notice. “I don’t want to hear it. You do realize how irresponsible that was, right? I have protocols in place for a reason, you can’t go around messing with them just because you feel like it. Shit, it’s going to take me hours to fix everything you’ve messed with in there. How many protocols did you override? Was it everything, because I swear to god, Peter-”

“It wasn’t everything!” Peter took a breath in an attempt to calm his angry tone of voice. “I just- it was only the one thing. The AI.”

Tony stared at him in disbelief. “Bullshit. No one would go out of their way to hack technology that complex and then leave practically everything alone.”

The swell of anger in Peter’s chest only rose as he was accused of lying by his childhood hero. “I swear, it was only the AI. I saw everything else, but I didn’t want you to be mad at me. It’s just- I thought the AI would be my friend and I thought it would be cool to have it.” Shit, a three year old could come up with an explanation more mature than that.

“I still don’t believe you, but whatever. You take your AI and decide that the best use for it is to track down more alien tech behind my back, without telling anyone about your plan or what you’re doing. Not the brightest idea, I have to admit. Look, I care about you, kid. I, for one, don’t want to see you meet a violent, bloody end before you can even drink, yet you keep throwing yourself headfirst into danger even after I told you to stop. Care to explain?”

Peter sighed, tears pricking his eyes. “I’m sorry you had to save me, and I know it was stupid, you’re right about all of that, but you can’t accuse me of going behind your back about this. It’s not your fault that I almost died, it was mine, but I was just trying to help. Anyway, if you did care you’d actually be here.” The venom that had seeped into his voice surprised him, but he was even more shocked when the suit opened up to reveal Mr. Stark

“I- what? You-” Peter couldn’t believe his eyes. 

“Yeah, this isn’t working out. I’m going to need the suit back.” With those simple sentences, Mr. Stark single handedly made Peter’s entire world skid to a halt on its axis. 

“No, please!” Peter knew that the tears rolling down his face weren’t great evidence of his maturity, but once they started, he wasn’t strong enough to will them to stop. “Mr. Stark, I’m nothing without this suit.”

It was true. He’d spent many long nights laying awake, staring at the cracks in the ceiling while reflecting on that fact. 

Peter Parker was nothing. He was pathetic, small, weak, and brought death and destruction with him through every part of his life. 

Spider-Man was the only way he could even pretend to be a good person. Without that, he was nothing. 

At that moment, Mr. Stark provided the insight that changed Peter’s view of the world and himself. 

The phrase that would pound through his ears for months, making him want to cry and swear and scream, because as much as he wanted to deny it, deep down inside he knew it was true-

“If you’re nothing without the suit, then you shouldn’t have it.”

\-------------- 

Gwen was happy. 

In her whirlwind of a life, she seldom got the opportunity to take a step back and assess her mental state, but sitting on her couch alone in a quiet house, Gwen could honestly say that she was happy.

Simply looking at MJ’s face made her want to smile, cry, and implode all at the same time. Now that she knew that the other girl felt the same way, Gwen never wanted to leave MJ’s side. 

Unfortunately, they were separate people and couldn’t be joined at the hip 24/7, and that’s how Gwen ended up sitting in silence on her couch all afternoon. 

It honestly was kind of nice. Her parents were out of town, and as much as she loved them, it was a relief not to be bombarded with questions about her day, especially since Gwen herself barely knew what had happened at lunch that day. 

There was obviously something going on with Peter, but after giving it a lot of thought, Gwen came to the conclusion that he just had to figure out whatever it was. She could see that trying to solve his problems when he wasn’t talking about what was wrong was driving MJ crazy.

Yeah, Gwen loved Peter and had missed him so much when he transferred schools, but there was nothing they could do unless Peter sorted his own shit out.

She just wished she could do more for MJ. It was obvious that the girl was taking everything pretty hard, and while Gwen knew that none of them fully understood what was happening, knowing MJ she was assuming the worst. 

Although she wasn’t really tired, a glance at the clock on the mantle told Gwen that it was probably time to get to bed. As the responsible individual that she was, Gwen was just about to get up and start to get ready for bed when her phone buzzed. 

‘Are you busy? I want a distraction.’ 

Butterflies filled her stomach at the realization that it was MJ who had texted her, but the message was worrisome. 

After typing and deleting different possible messages, Gwen gave up and pressed the call button, praying that MJ would pick up the phone. 

“Hello?”

Gwen couldn’t help but smile when she heard MJ’s beautiful voice. “Hey. What’s up?”

MJ faltered for a second before answering, “I can’t sleep. I know it’s stupid, I shouldn’t have worried you, but I just can’t-”

Gwen frowned as the other girl trailed off. There was nothing she wanted more than to show MJ that she was worthy of love. 

Suddenly, an idea popped into her head. “Come over.”

“What?” MJ sounded confused, and honestly, Gwen couldn’t blame her. 

“Yeah, you can sleep over! We’ll just go to school together in the morning. My parents aren’t home, so it’s just me alone in the house.”

There was another beat of silence, and Gwen was worried that she had overstepped, until MJ laughed. “Oh, so it’s like that.”

Gwen paused for a second in confusion before flushing red when MJ put on her best frat-fuckboy voice, which Gwen had to admit was pretty good. “Come over, baby. My parents aren’t home…”

“No! It’s not like that!” Gwen’s sudden panic melted away at the sound of MJ erupting into laughter. “Asshole. I’m not that tired either, just come over! We can hang out.” 

It felt like pure adrenaline was flowing through her veins as she held her breath in anticipation for an answer. A wave of relief rushed over her entire being when MJ’s small voice gave the answer that Gwen had been silently begging for. 

“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I know this ship is less popular than others, but I genuinely love it so much. Writing this relationship is so cathartic, and this entire thing is just so self-indulgent. Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated. 
> 
> [EnchantingWriting](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnchantingWriting/pseuds/EnchantingWriting) is the beta of this story, and she's just the best!
> 
> My Tumblr is [Astro_cat13](https://astro-cat13.tumblr.com), you are more than welcome to come talk to me about this story, or really just anything in general.


	5. Chapter 5

MJ’s insomnia had been a part of her life for quite a while. 

Yeah, it could get annoying, but over the years she’d gotten pretty used to it. Besides, sketching alone in the early hours of the morning could be pretty relaxing. 

That’s why it was such a surprise to her that she accepted Gwen’s invitation. Honestly, the fact that she even texted Gwen asking for help in the first place was shocking. 

After scribbling a hurried note containing both an apology for leaving unannounced and an explanation of where she was, MJ was off. 

The night was cold, but before too long, she found herself hovering outside Gwen’s house. 

Deep down, MJ knew it was stupid, but she couldn’t keep her mind from racing. What if Gwen didn’t actually want her to come over? What if she was just tolerating her and was actually dreading the fact that she would see MJ that night? What if-

“MJ!”

Gwen’s expression of pure joy as she opened the front door made MJ’s mind a bit quieter. Offering her own smile back, she stepped into the house, sliding off her shoes as she did so.

“I’m really glad you came, I wasn’t sure that you would.” Gwen turned to glance at her, and MJ’s heart felt as if it could burst. 

Unable to help herself, MJ smirked. “That’s what he said.”

Gwen’s entire face went red, and it was so adorable that MJ wanted to scream. 

God, what she wouldn’t give to wrap her arms around Gwen. To feel the other girl’s muscles ripple as she squeezed back, making MJ feel safe in her arms. 

It was then that MJ made a groundbreaking realization: Gwen was her girlfriend. She most likely felt the same way, and if she didn’t, she’d say something.

Tentatively, as if she were trying to pet a dragon, MJ leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Gwen’s shoulders. The other girl faltered for a second, most likely in surprise, before circling MJ’s waist with her arms, pulling her closer. 

“Hey, are you okay?” The amount of concern hidden in Gwen’s question did little to ease MJ’s pounding heart. She gave a small nod in response, and Gwen embraced her tighter. 

“This is nice.” MJ buried her nose into Gwen’s hair, and it was honestly the best sensation she thought she had ever felt. Her problems seemed insignificant, like the entire world was just the two of them standing in Gwen’s foyer, entangled in each other’s arms. 

Eventually, Gwen began to shift. “Do you want to go to the living room? We can watch a movie or something.”

MJ groaned in protest. “Don’t wanna let go.”

Instead of laughing it off and letting go like MJ had expected her to, Gwen giggled. “Fine.” 

MJ squeaked as she was swept off of her feet, and held onto Gwen as if her life depended on it. “Holy shit, you’re strong.” 

Gwen smiled as she began to carry MJ over to the overstuffed couch in the other room. “Yep, eight years of dance and a fascination with weightlifting will do that.”

MJ nodded. “Wow that’s so cool-” She was cut off by her own squeal as Gwen unceremoniously dropped her onto the couch. “Asshole.” 

She tried to glare at Gwen, but her expression was replaced with a smirk when she looked over to see the wide smile on Gwen’s face. 

After they sat in silence for a few seconds, Gwen began to lean in closer. MJ smiled as she allowed herself to be pulled into another hug. 

“I fucking love hugs.” MJ closed her eyes, ready to lay peacefully on the couch with Gwen for hours, but Gwen pulled away.

“What-” MJ opened her eyes to see that Gwen was pulling off her Midtown Tech hoodie, and tried unsuccessfully to not stare too hard at the sliver of midsection that was exposed as her shirt rode up. 

“Here. This is kind of like a hug, but you can take it around with you.” MJ smiled as the hoodie was pulled over her head. It was the tiniest bit too small, but it was soft and warm and it smelled amazing. 

“Thank you.” Her voice was small, but she didn’t mind.

Gwen smirked. “Oh, okay. I thought you said school hoodies were a waste of money.” 

MJ paused, trying to think of an explanation that wasn’t simply the fact that she was extremely pessimistic all the time. Before she could come up with anything, Gwen planted a kiss on her forehead and MJ found herself speechless. 

“Although, I guess it’s not your money so that’s not a problem.” MJ opened her mouth to protest, but was cut off by another kiss, this time to her left cheek. 

“To be fair, someone has to get you to finally show some school spirit. If it has to be me, well, I’m willing to make that sacrifice for the good of my new school.” Yet another kiss was pressed into MJ’s right cheek, and before Gwen could pull away completely, MJ grabbed her lightly by the collar of her shirt. 

“Your old school must have been full of people who don’t know how to kiss, because you keep fucking missing.” Before Gwen could respond, MJ leaned in and kissed Gwen’s lips, closing her eyes and leaning into her touch as Gwen pulled her closer. 

Eventually they pulled apart, and the girls laid in an easy silence. MJ could have stayed like that forever. Wrapped up in Gwen’s hoodie, stroking her hair with one hand while Gwen had the other one grasped in hers. 

MJ lost track of time, but either 10 minutes or an hour later, Gwen sat up abruptly. 

“Do you wanna make brownies? I have a box mix around here somewhere.”

Although she was mourning the loss of Gwen’s warm body pressed against hers, MJ’s face broke out into a smile. 

“I’ve never wanted anything more badly in my life than to make box brownies with you right now.” 

Gwen laughed, clapping in delight as she led MJ by the hand to the kitchen. “I know it was around here somewhere- yes! We shall feast” Gwen procured the highly-coveted box of brownie mix from a cupboard while MJ stared in awe, admiring the sheer strength shown by her girlfriend’s efforts. 

“My hero.” MJ’s tone was flat, but she wasn’t able to keep the smile off of her face. 

“You’re welcome.” Gwen chuckled to herself as she read the box. “Okay, I’ll go ahead and preheat the oven. We need water, vegetable oil, and eggs. Can you get a fourth of a cup of water? The measuring cups are in the cabinet under the sink.”

MJ nodded and made to follow Gwen’s instructions, but did a double take once she processed everything Gwen had just said.

“Who the fuck puts measuring cups under the sink? That’s not where they go.” MJ wasn’t usually one to comment on the way people did things, but seriously?

What horrified MJ even more was the fact that Gwen seemed confused. “Yeah. Where would you put them?” 

“Um, anywhere but under the sink? There’s pipes and stuff under there! You can’t put actual cooking shit down there. Just, I don’t know, soap or something.” 

Gwen was about to argue back, but gave up once she saw that MJ wasn’t budging about the matter. “Okay, I guess I’ll take it up with my parents when they get home.” 

Satisfied with her positive influence, MJ filled the measuring cup with water and brought it over to the counter where Gwen was already stirring the eggs and vegetable oil. 

“You started without me?” MJ scowled playfully and Gwen faltered for a second, obviously worried that she’d actually upset MJ, before relaxing once she realized that MJ was joking.

“Yeah, well, you seemed pretty busy insulting my life decisions. Besides, I’m hungry.”

MJ kept the mock-scowl on her face while she poured the water into the disgusting concoction of oil and eggs, the water only making it look more nasty as it separated from the oil. 

“This always looks gross until you add the mix,” Gwen commented. MJ probably should have responded, but Gwen had just rolled up her sleeves to avoid getting batter on them, and MJ was not okay. How was it even possible to have attractive forearms?

MJ was pulled back into reality by the smell of chocolate, and it was then that she realized how hungry she was. “Oh my god, that looks delicious.”

She scooped some excess batter from the side of the pan with her finger and was about to taste some when Gwen grabbed her arm, a genuinely concerned expression on her face. 

“You can’t do that!” Gwen let go of her arm, and before she could do anything about it, MJ licked the batter off of her finger. “Hey! You’ll get salmonella, it says so on the box.” 

Before MJ could go in for more batter, Gwen whisked the pan away and put it into the oven. “There.”

MJ pouted for a second, but then began to put all of the ingredients back where they belonged. “Okay, what do you want to do while they bake? I don’t mind doing the dishes if you dry.”

Gwen thought for a second before arching an eyebrow and taking a step closer to MJ, gently putting her hands on the taller girl’s waist. “We could do the dishes, or we could… not do the dishes.”

MJ felt all of her blood rush to her face. Seeing that Gwen was waiting for an answer, she cleared her throat. “Um, not.”

Gwen closed the space between them, pulling MJ’s face down to plant a chaste kiss on her lips. MJ wrapped her arms around the blonde, leaning in further to deepen the kiss. 

Suddenly, MJ was lifted off of the ground and onto the kitchen counter. Trying to muffle her squeak of surprise, she wrapped her legs around Gwen’s torso and clung to her with all four of her limbs. Gwen giggled, pulling MJ’s face down with both hands so she could still press their lips together. 

They stayed like that for a while, kissing until they had to pull apart to gasp for air and then doing it all over again, until Gwen abruptly pulled away with a horrified expression on her face. 

“Fuck, the brownies!” 

MJ’s brows furrowed in confusion, but then she smelled the unmistakable scent of brownies burning. 

Gwen scrambled to get a towel and pull the pan of brownies out of the oven. “It’s fine, we’ll just cut off the top parts that are burned.”

MJ hopped down from the countertop, feeling as if she had been stabbed. “Cut off the top? But that’s the best part!” 

Eventually, MJ gave in and cut the top off, but it was only because she could only stand so much burned brownie.

Just the bottom part ended up being okay too, but that could have been because her stomach was still full of butterflies. 

MJ glanced around the kitchen and groaned. “Gwen, we still have to clean up! We could have been done already.”

Gwen just smirked at her. “Are you seriously complaining?”

MJ realized that no, she really wasn’t, but decided that washing the dishes was more important than answering Gwen’s question. Especially since Gwen already knew her answer. 

Grabbing the first dish, MJ got to work scrubbing the batter off. When she was done, Gwen took it from her, drying it before putting it away. 

The peaceful silence enveloped them, and they conversed only with their eyes as they worked together like a well-oiled machine. 

Her and Gwen wordlessly washing and drying dishes alongside one another brought up an emotion in MJ that she couldn’t really explain. 

It was nice. 

Eventually, as she was putting away the last bowl, Gwen broke the silence. “You wanna watch a movie?” 

MJ nodded, following Gwen back to the couch, where she put on a nature documentary. 

Laying beside Gwen on the couch, MJ sighed contentedly as she tucked her forehead against the underside of Gwen’s chin, and allowed herself to simply float away. 

They were both asleep before the opening credits were over, each girl’s limbs entangled with those of the other. 

\--------------

Getting to school on time had been a struggle.

Not only had Gwen and MJ stayed up way too late the night before, but when they finally woke up, neither wanted to leave the other’s arms. 

By some miracle, they were both able to sprint into their shared homeroom class seconds before the bell rang. 

It’s not like it really would have mattered anyway seeing as the teacher didn’t actually care, but it turned out that Gwen was a bit of a stickler for rules. MJ had half a mind to bite Gwen’s head off when she had woken her up at 8:00 so they could catch the train, as she had kind of been expecting that they would just not go to school, but Gwen wouldn’t even hear of it.

Unfortunately for her, MJ had a bit of a soft spot for Gwen. Such a soft spot, in fact, that a single glance from Gwen was enough to convince MJ against truancy. 

Ned frowned at the pair as they slid into their usual desks, barely listening as the teacher announced that the class period would be a study hall. “Where have you guys been? I was all alone in the library this morning!”

MJ groaned and sank further into her chair as Gwen shot Ned an apologetic glance. “Sorry, we were up late.”

Ned’s entire face lit up as he arched his eyebrows suggestively, and MJ had to stifle a giggle at just how brightly Gwen’s face flushed red. 

“It wasn’t like- MJ!” Gwen looked mortified, and the expression on her face made MJ lose all control and erupt into laughter. 

Once the group began to settle down, MJ put her head down on her desk and frowned. “Damn, I can’t believe I came to school for this. If I had known that we’d just be doing a study hall I would have slept in.”

Gwen, on the other hand, had her brows furrowed in thought. “Ned, did you say you were alone this morning?”

Ned nodded slowly as if the answer was obvious. “Yeah, you and MJ were gone because you were fucking-”

His words were cut off as Gwen slapped one of her hands over his mouth, her eyes wide. “We weren’t... anyway, Peter’s not here?”

MJ’s head shot up. That was a good observation.

If Ned was alone, where the hell was Peter? 

“Maybe he’s avoiding us?” MJ gave the obvious answer, but it didn’t feel completely right. 

Ned frowned and shook his head. “He has an algebra test this morning, he would have at least come in for that. Plus we have decathlon today.”

MJ sighed. Ned was optimistic, but they both knew that missing decathlon was a normal occurrence for Peter. The algebra test, on the other hand, was less likely. 

MJ could feel worry begin to pool in her gut, but tried her best to ignore it. 

“Peter’s just always been a flaky guy. I’m sure he’s okay.”

The group nodded in agreement, but something still felt off. It really seemed like he was struggling with something, but Peter would tell them if he needed help.

Right?

\--------------

It was a good thing that May was already going to call the school to get Peter an excused absence, because Peter could barely keep himself from jumping out the window to patrol the second he woke up. 

May had woken him up for breakfast, and trying to stop himself from shoveling oatmeal into his mouth as if he hadn’t eaten in days had one of Peter’s hand gripping the arm of his chair until his knuckles went white, and the other shaking as it slowly raised spoonfuls of the warm, mushy oats to his mouth. 

“Wow, kiddo. You must be really out of it, I always have to force the oatmeal down your throat when I make it for you.” May’s eyebrow raised in concern.

Peter tried to give her a reassuring smile, but it ended up coming out more like a grimace. “I’m just hungry, I guess.” 

May hummed in agreement. “I’m just glad you’re eating. Make sure you drink plenty of fluids today! I really hate to leave you alone like this, it’s just-”

“No, it’s fine.” Peter scrambled to cut off her apology, already feeling guilt swell in his chest. “I’m okay. Besides, I’ll just call if I need you.” 

She smiled at him before leaving for work, and Peter felt like vomiting again. 

Everything was getting out of control. Deep down, Peter knew that telling May the truth about everything would only end up hurting her, but that didn’t stop him from feeling terrible about lying to her. 

Not that there was much to lie about anymore. 

Tony was right, he really was just a kid playing superhero. As much as Peter hated to admit it, a small part of him thought that the man was probably right when he took the suit. If he was nothing without it, why would he be anything with it?

The thing was, the fact that Peter himself was nothing wasn’t an excuse for him to do nothing to help the people who needed it. By taking away the suit, Tony had taken away Peter’s ability to fulfil his responsibility. There was no taking away his power, he couldn’t just take off a suit and suddenly be a normal person, but the suit was what gave him the ability to use his power to help people. 

He was agonizingly trapped, floating somewhere between the status of superhero and ordinary guy, unable to fit into either category. 

Deep down, Peter knew that he had to help. No matter how hard patrolling could get, it was infinitely harder to sit in the apartment and do nothing while knowing that he could be helping people. 

The suit shouldn’t have been as big of a deal to Peter as it ended up being. He’d been fine with the homemade one before Germany, and he’d have to be fine with the homemade one until he could scrape together the materials to try and recreate some kind of budget version of the better suit. 

That plan of action had made the most sense, but standing in front of the mirror wearing his old suit made Peter feel like he was about to burst into tears. 

Being so dramatic about something as insignificant as a suit when he should be out saving lives felt silly, but the rough fabric on his skin felt like sandpaper in comparison to his old suit, harshly reminding him of his failures and the fact that he wasn’t good enough.

Oh well. At least he had made his web shooters, there was no way he’d be able to patrol without those. 

Peter winced as he climbed out of his bedroom window. He’d forgotten how distracting the sun was without the expensive goggles. The cheap homemade ones he was wearing blocked out the light well enough, but it was a jarring downgrade.

Deciding not to waste any more time, Peter swung into the city, the previous sleepless night weighing heavily on his eyes. “Okay, let’s do this.”

As Peter’s exclamation was met with silence, he came to the obvious realization that Karen was in the other suit. 

When Peter had laid awake in his bed for the many agonizing hours of the night thinking over the catastrophic events on the bridge, he came to the conclusion that Tony must have somehow remotely disabled Karen when she contacted him for help.

Karen’s absence was surprisingly distressing. Peter hadn’t realized it until she was taken away, but Karen was the only person that he could talk to without feeling inadequate or having some huge secret looming over his head

She wasn’t even a person. How sad was that?

Maybe he shouldn’t have gone on patrol. Peter felt completely and utterly drained, every swing making his arms shake more and more. 

The feeling reminded him of the previous night, how pathetic and weak he’d been, almost letting a truck full of explosive alien tech fall off of a bridge-

Peter couldn’t do it. 

With or without the suit, he wasn’t enough. 

The world felt as if it was going black around him. 

He knew he was being selfish, that he had no real reason to be feeling such strong emotion, let alone act on it, but Peter gently lowered himself onto a nearby rooftop in fear that trying to swing any further would send him plummeting to the ground.

Would that be such a bad thing? Maybe at least if he was hurt badly enough, he wouldn’t have to feel the crushing responsibility that he couldn’t and would never be able to live up to. 

Struggling to draw in a shaky breath, Peter wiped the streams of silent tears from his face before picking up his cell phone to call an all-too-familiar number.

“Hey, Happy.” 

Winding his face up, Peter willed his voice to remain steady. 

“I know you probably don’t like it when I leave you messages - and I get it, don’t get me wrong I completely understand - but I just…”

What, Peter? He cursed himself. He cursed his need for validation every second of every day. It was so childish, he shouldn’t need the happiness of others in order to be happy himself.

Why wasn’t he fine on his own?

“I’m so sorry. I know I shouldn’t do this, I know I should stop, but- you know what? It’s fine. You don’t listen to these, right? I mean, if you did-”

If he did, then he knew that Peter was ready for more and didn’t even give him a crumb of a mission. If he did, then he was ignoring Peter not because he was busy, but because Peter was pathetic. 

He’d know how weak he was, how he couldn’t even give an old lady directions without running to someone for praise, like a dog to its owner. 

“I- why am I like this? No, seriously, I do this to myself every day. Why do I constantly just bother everyone? You know, Happy, it’s not fun for me either. I don’t want to be doing this. Do you think I like knowing that everyone I talk to has to put up with me for one reason or another? I’m not- I don’t deserve-”

Peter drew in a breath, trying desperately to grasp at the threads of the composure he had left. 

“I know I don’t deserve the things I have, the abilities I have- and I know you know it. I know Mr. Stark knows it and I know Ms. Potts knows it and all of the Avengers know it and now MJ and Gwen know it. I just wish that we could stop fucking tiptoeing around it, and someone would come around and say it already. I’m so tired of pretending that everyone doesn't feel like that. I’m just- I’m so tired, Happy. I’m exhausted all the time, but I can’t sleep because if I’m sleeping then I’m not patrolling, and if I’m not patrolling, then people will get hurt.”

More people than usual, he internally corrected himself. 

“Wow- I’m so selfish. I’m sorry, I promise I do love helping people but- I just- that’s not what I meant”

There shouldn’t be a but there. How could Peter call himself a hero if he valued a little bit of sleep over the lives of innocent people?

“I’m just so tired. I- I can’t live like this. I know I will never be able to do enough, I’ll never be enough, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling awful. I mean, I don’t deserve to not feel awful when there are countless dead people that would be alive if I had stayed out just an hour later, or woken up just an hour earlier. How many people die while I’m at school when I should be helping? God, I-” Peter choked back a sob.

Sighing, Peter glanced up at the sky, praying that the tears would clear from his eyes. “Mr. Stark took the suit. He said I don’t deserve it, and I don’t. It’s just- how am I supposed to ever deserve it if I don’t have it? I can save people, and that’s great, but I can’t live up to the full potential of my abilities. I’m trying, I promise, but I’m just- exhausted. I’m drained. I can’t do it. He took Karen too.” 

Peter’s stomach dropped when he realized that he had just addressed the AI by her name, and that Happy would have no idea what he was talking about. If he even listened to the messages anymore before deleting them, which Peter seriously doubted. “I mean- I’m sorry. It’s just a stupid name I gave the AI. God, I’m so dumb. Just, I don’t know. I missed talking to her because I like thinking out loud.” He winced as he remembered that Happy knew that from the home video incident in Germany. “So yeah. I guess that’s why I called you. That’s all, I’m sorry again for clogging your voicemail, I know it’s bad. I won’t call again for a while, I promise.”

Peter closed his eyes as he pressed the end call button.

That was pathetic. 

Curling in on himself, Peter was prepared to stay on the roof wallowing in self-pity for the rest of the day, when he was pulled out of his haze by the sound of his phone ringing. 

He fumbled to get his cell out of his pocket and turn it off, but froze once he saw the caller id. 

‘Call From: Happy Hogan.’ 

Panicking, Peter declined the call, but was then met with an even more horrifying sight. 

A text message. His first ever text from Happy, in fact.

‘Stay where you are. I’m coming to get you.’


	6. Chapter 6

The car ride to Stark Tower was painfully silent. 

Even though he tried to hide it, Happy kept glancing back and looking at Peter in the rearview mirror, and it made the kid feel as if there were bugs crawling under his skin. Internally, he was cursing himself. After all, what else should he have expected to happen after he left such a dramatic voicemail? He obviously wasn’t in his right mind when he called, but he should have at least recognized that what he was doing was a bad idea. 

Unfortunately, he hadn’t, which was how Peter had ended up being driven to Stark Tower by Happy Hogan himself. 

Peter almost laughed out loud as he realized how eerily parallel the situation was to the car ride home from the airport all that time ago. Peter sitting in awkward silence with a stoic Happy driving him- they only needed to add a cold Tony to the mix and it would be exactly the same. 

Of course, on the way home from the airport he was practically bouncing up and down in excitement and that was the exact opposite of how Peter felt sitting in the back seat with Happy’s eyes burning holes through his head, but the similarity was there nonetheless. 

The dread that was making his stomach churn doubled as the car pulled into the private garage of Stark Tower, but Peter was somehow able to keep his knees from shaking as he stood up.

Taking a deep breath, Peter gritted his teeth before following Happy inside the building, presumably where Tony Stark was waiting for him. 

Part of him wondered if he’d have been better off if he had never gone to Germany. Realistically, the new suit helped him save lives more effectively and that was worth everything, but he didn’t have the suit anymore. 

What did Mr. Stark even want with him? After months of him not caring about Peter’s well being unless he was in imminent mortal danger, it was hard to believe that the call was meant to be some kind of wellness check-in. Maybe if it was a mission he’d at least get to have the suit back. 

Happy stopped, pulling Peter from his thoughts, and gestured to a door that was sitting ajar. “Go on in, boss is waiting for you.”

Peter slipped into the room silently, which he’d gotten terrifyingly good at since the whole spider bite thing. After standing awkwardly for a few seconds, Peter coughed to alert the man of his presence. 

Tony, who had previously been bent over a workbench inspecting a stack of papers, whipped around at the sound of Peter’s cough. 

“Kid, hey! Wow, that was fast. Have a seat.” The sight of the powerful billionaire tripping over his own words was unsettling. 

Peter apprehensively took a seat. For a man who hadn’t willingly seen him in months, Mr. Stark seemed pretty eager to sit down and talk.

“So, I think we should have a conversation.”

Peter felt his stomach drop. So that’s why he had been abruptly called to the tower.

Wasn’t the consequence of having his suit taken away enough? He already understood that what he had done was stupid, he didn’t have to be yelled at too. 

“The message you left Happy. What was that about?” Tony quirked an eyebrow at him, and Peter felt his face flush red.

“I don’t know. Hard week, I guess. I’m sorry-”

“Nope, none of that. No sorries.” The man cut him off sharply, and even though Peter knew he thought he was being helpful, Mr. Stark’s harsh tone made his eyes prickle with tears. “I know that I haven’t been there for you, but Peter, you have to tell someone when you’re feeling that shitty. It’s not healthy. Believe me, I know. You can’t try to carry the entire world on your shoulders, Peter, you’ll eventually collapse and end up doing more harm than good.” 

Before Peter could stop himself, he shot back, “At least I’m trying.” 

Tony blinked at him in surprise and Peter dropped his eyes to look at his feet, self consciously rubbing the course material of his improvised Spider-Man suit between his fingers. “Well, I was trying.”

The billionaire’s expression softened. “I know you’re trying. You really helped me out with the truck, and now that I think about it, the plane. With everything that’s going on, the media would have kicked my ass if those weapons had gotten into the wrong hands.”

“I didn’t do it because of that.” After a beat of silence, Peter scrambled to explain what he meant. “Like, I don’t want the media to go after you again or anything, but I stopped Toomes and Brice because they were selling illegal weapons that could be used to kill people.”

Tony nodded in agreement. “Of course. That’s something I’ve always admired about you, you have such a good heart. You’re willing to do the right thing, even when it’s difficult.” Peter’s brows furrowed in confusion at the statement, but Tony ignored him. “I haven’t been there for you. To be fair to me, this whole accords thing has turned into a complete shitstorm, but I want you to know that I’m proud of you.”

That should have been everything Peter had ever wanted. Hell, he’d had countless sleepless nights where he looked up at the ceiling and imagined what it would feel like for Mr. Stark to say those words. 

He didn’t feel the overwhelming joy that he’d imagined that he would. He was just angry. 

“Where was that last night when you took the suit? Where was that when you yelled at me on the roof of my apartment building? Hell, when have you expressed in any way that you care about my wellbeing since Germany?”

Tony’s mouth gaped at the severity of Peter’s accusations. “Look, I know I wasn’t there before, but I want to tell you now that you’re a good kid and that I’m proud of you. I’ve been busy, but your voicemail...” Tony trailed off and Peter grimaced at the mention of the voicemail, cheeks burning red with shame.

“I guess your voicemail reminded me of myself. You know, my dad wasn’t great at telling me that he was proud of me, and I figured why not break the cycle of shame or whatever.”

“Why now?” Peter almost felt bad about pushing the same question that Tony was obviously avoiding, but he was there for a reason. The sooner he figured out what the reason was, the sooner he could figure out what to do from there. 

“Happy said you went out to patrol in… this.” Peter fought the urge to cover himself with his arms as Tony gestured vaguely to his body, obviously talking about the old suit. 

“You took the old one, so I guess I didn’t have much of a choice.” 

The billionaire shook his head in wonder. “See, this is what I’m talking about. You’re just so… good. Not patrolling isn’t even an option in your head, is it?”

Peter did a double take. “Why would stopping be an option? I can help people, so I have to help them. It’s my responsibility.”

Tony paused, a contemplative look on his face. “You’re nothing like how I was when I was your age, that’s for sure. Maybe I made a mistake taking the suit away last night, I understand not being able to stop even when everyone around you is telling you to.”

“You’d let me keep the suit?” Peter tried to keep the hope out of his voice, but inwardly grimaced at his own eagerness. There had to be a catch. 

“Well, there are… options. You have a room here, of course. Happy could go get your things from your apartment and-”

“What?” The alarm bells that went off in Peter’s head at the implications of Tony’s statement were deafening. 

“I have rooms for all potential Avengers. What, did you think you were going to be patrolling in Queens for the rest of your life?”

At the sight of Peter’s expression of disbelief, he was quick to add, “You don’t have to right now, of course. I just mean for if you ever wanted to join. You could help a lot more people that way, I just thought that from how you’ve been talking it would be right up your alley.”

How in the world could the man assume, even for a second, that Peter could accept? He couldn’t just leave Queens. The day that he stopped patrolling the streets where his uncle was shot would logically have to come at some point, but it wasn’t time. There were still Uncle Bens that Peter could save, he could make sure they get back home safely to their families, and that was just as important as the people that the Avengers saved. 

Instead of yelling or crying and lecturing the man about how stupid his reasoning was, how innaccurate the notion was that stopping petty crime was beneath people like them when petty crime was what killed millions of innocent people, and how infuriating it was that Tony just decided one day to start caring after months of radio silence, Peter took a deep breath. “I can’t. School, May, you know. Besides, Queens needs me.”

The billionaire looked at Peter in disbelief. “You’re turning down a spot on the Avengers?”

Peter nodded. 

Still seeming to not accept Peter’s answer as final, Tony continued. “Are you sure? You know, you can think about it.”

Peter inhaled calmly through his nose, about to try to explain his decision in a way that didn’t sound like an insult, before he was distracted by his phone buzzing in his pocket. 

He curiously slid it out from his pocket, and smiled at the silly picture that was displayed on the screen when the text read ‘Call From: Ned Leeds.’

Peter slid the phone back into his pocket, about to absentmindedly decline the call, but then he paused. 

He’d been an asshole to his friends. He’d been under immense stress, sure, but that was no excuse and they deserved better. He had to put more effort into the relationships that he valued. 

“Excuse me, I have to take this.”

Peter tried not to draw too much amusement from Tony’s bewildered expression as he got up to step out of the room, accepting the call. 

“Hey, man. What’s up?” 

“Peter? Oh my god, are you okay? You weren’t in school!” Peter frowned at the obvious concern in Ned’s voice. 

“I’m fine, Ned. Just sick. How was school today? Did I miss much?” He tried to keep his tone light, praying that he could ease his friend’s worry. 

Peter could practically sense Ned’s face lighting up through the phone when he asked about his day. “School was fine. I sat alone in the library this morning because Gwen and MJ were late and- oh my god.” Ned cut himself off quickly, and Peter could feel his own heart begin to pound. 

“Ned? Oh my god, Ned, tell me you’re okay.” If Ned had gotten hurt because he was too preoccupied worrying about Peter to worry about himself-

“I’m fine.” Peter breathed a sigh of relief as Ned came back on the line. “It’s just that I said I’d talk to you about something and completely forgot about it until now.”

Peter’s eyebrows raised in confusion. “Is everything okay?” 

“Yeah. Well, kind of. Things between you and MJ have been strange lately, right? What’s that about?”

Holy shit. If MJ told Ned, that would add a whole other layer to his whole mess. Maybe if he joined the Avengers he could ask Mr. Stark to protect his friends?

“I just wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt since I’ve always thought of you as pretty accepting of everyone-”

“What?” Peter hated to cut his friend off, but he was genuinely confused. “What’s this about?” 

“You’ve always been open to the LGBT community. Like, last year we helped set up the posters for pride month at school. It’s just hard for me to believe that there's not some other issue here. Like, do you have a crush on MJ or something? ‘Cause I’ve been thinking about it for a while and that’s the best I can come up with-”

“Wait, Ned, are you gay?” Ned’s explanation had only made Peter’s confusion double. 

Apparently, Ned was confused as well. “No, I’m not gay. MJ’s gay. Well, both MJ and Gwen are, but MJ said that she tried to tell you when we watched Star Wars together and you freaked out.”

Blood began to pound in Peter’s ears. 

That couldn’t make sense, but it somehow fit perfectly. 

A strange mix of relief and overwhelming horror swirled in Peter’s gut. On the one hand, his friends weren’t in the level of mortal danger that he had thought that he was actively putting them in, but on the other hand, MJ thought that he had a problem with her being gay and that made Peter feel like vomiting again. 

“There’s been a misunderstanding. Ned, I- oh my god, I messed up so bad.” Peter’s stomach dropped deeper every time he remembered anything else he had said to MJ in the past week, how it must have made her feel-

“You didn’t know she’s gay? Then why were you being so weird?” Peter shook his head at Ned’s exclamation, before realizing that his friend couldn’t actually see him. 

“No, I’m so oblivious, I thought she was talking about something else! I- oh my god. She tried again at lunch yesterday, right? That’s what that was?” His world was crashing down around him in waves. How was he such an asshole?

“Oh, I think MJ was going to tell us that she and Gwen are together.” Ned’s statement was casual, but Peter felt like he was about to faint. 

Despite his inner turmoil, his face broke out into a wide grin. “Oh my god, that’s amazing! I- I’m so happy for them both. I- oh shit, I have to go apologize.” Peter’s hands were shaking, and he was just praying that Ned wouldn’t drop any more surprises on him. 

“Gwen invited me to stop by and say hi to them at that park near your apartment building. I think she and MJ are going on a date there this afternoon, you should meet us there! I can text you when I leave.”

Peter nodded again before saying, “Perfect. I’ll be there.” 

He hung up before hurriedly pocketing his cell. He had to get to his apartment. Maybe May would know what to do-

“Leaving already?” 

Peter flinched and spun around as a sharp voice came from behind him.

“Yeah, I have to get home.” Peter awkwardly fidgeted with his shirt, and Tony crossed his arms. 

“At least take the suit back.” The words left the man’s mouth, but Peter couldn’t even begin to process them. Tony chuckled as Peter stared at him, bewildered. “Seriously. It’s not like it’s doing me any good having it sitting here in a closet. Take it, save some lives, just make sure you take care of your own, too. If you need help, backup, anything- please call. And hey, maybe revisit the whole Avengers thing in a few years, yeah?” 

Peter smiled and nodded, barely letting himself believe that he was actually going to get to keep the suit. “Yes. Oh my god, Mr. Stark, thank you so much.” 

\--------------

The relief of getting the suit back wasn’t enough to keep Peter from staring blankly at his bedroom wall for hours when he got back to his apartment. The massive apology that he owed MJ loomed over him, because where was he even supposed to start?

“Peter?” The knock at his bedroom door pulled his mind away from where it had been spiralling, and Peter smiled as May slowly opened his door and stepped into the room. “It’s good to see you up, were you able to keep food down today?”

Peter swatted her hand good-naturedly as she ran her fingers through his hair, palm lingering on his forehead to check for a fever. “I’m fine, May. I’m feeling a lot better.”

“That’s great, let me know if I can do anything for you. I’ll tell you what, I’m going to go take a shower, but after that we can get takeout from that thai place down the block and watch a movie. How does that sound?” 

His first instinct was to break into a grin and agree, because a night in with May sounded perfect, but then he remembered the reason that he’d been spiralling in his bedroom for hours. “Maybe later tonight, I have to meet MJ and Gwen and-” Peter cut himself off as he felt his voice begin to grow tight, and he internally cursed as his eyes filled with tears. 

“Oh, baby, what happened?” May sat back down on the end of his bed, and Peter tried desperately to keep himself together. 

“I just- I messed up so bad. There was this whole misunderstanding thing, and I ended up hurting MJ. I didn’t mean to, I promise, but I think I really hurt her.”

“Emotionally, right? MJ’s physically fine?” 

Peter’s heart rate skyrocketed at the mere idea of MJ being injured. “No! I would never- she’s okay, I’ve just been an asshole to her and I don’t know how to apologize. I just want to show her that I would never hurt her on purpose. I love her so much, I need her to know that, but I have no idea where to even start.”

May’s eyebrows arched. “Are you and MJ together now?” 

“N-no. It’s not that,” he stuttered. Honestly, he had to hold in a chuckle at how vastly different May’s perception was from the actual situations. 

“Well,” May pursed her lips in thought. “The first time your uncle and I got into an argument, he was crushed.” Peter nodded, trying to swallow the emotion that the mention of Ben evoked. 

“We were young, and both had unrealistic expectations of what married life would be like. Bills, work, messes- it all took a toll. I don’t even remember what it was about, probably money, but we both got out of the conversation feeling worse than we had when we entered it, and for whatever reason, that bothered him so much.”

Peter placed a light hand atop his aunt’s when he noticed that her eyes were beginning to glaze over with tears. “When I saw how upset he was, I left the apartment right away, and bought him a bouquet of flowers from the grocery store. He’d never gotten flowers from anyone before, so he just about started sobbing when I came back with them. The way he looked at me while he held them, Peter, I just knew that we’d be fine.”

They sat there in silence for a moment, soft smiles on both of their faces as they enjoyed each other’s company, before an idea popped into Peter’s head. 

“I have to go get some flowers.”

He practically leapt up from the bed, grabbing his wallet and phone, and all but ran out the door. 

\--------------

MJ smirked at Gwen, heart melting as she saw how excited Gwen was to take her to the park that MJ had lived near for her entire life. 

“I came here once with Peter years ago, and the park has monkey bars! How many parks do you know of with monkey bars? I loved this place as a kid.” Gwen was practically jumping up and down in excitement. “Anyway, maybe we can get food for a picnic? Ned might come say hi later but he’ll probably leave before dinnertime, unless he wants to come eat with us. Oh shit, do you need to go home for dinner? I forget if I asked you already, I don’t want your mom to hate me-”

Her rambling was cut off as MJ leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to her lips, looking into Gwen’s eyes as she pulled away. “My mom doesn’t hate you, and the park will be amazing. Calm down, everything is okay.” 

Gwen squeezed her hand in appreciation. They walked together, basking in peaceful silence until Gwen took off without warning, sprinting toward the play structure. Unfortunately for MJ, she hadn’t let go of her hand, so that meant that MJ was sprinting as well. 

“What the fuck?” she wheezed when they finally stopped. Gwen laughed, eyes sparkling with mischief. 

“Aw, you’re tired?” MJ pouted as she watched Gwen pull herself up onto the monkey bars, definitely not staring at Gwen’s abs as her shirt lifted to reveal them. “Like what you see?”

MJ blushed as Gwen started doing pull-ups. Seriously, that girl was literally superhuman. “Fuck you.” 

Gwen paused, mid pull-up, and winked. “Sure.”

MJ felt her face heat up even more as Gwen broke out into hysterical laughter. 

Once she finally got tired of wooing her girlfriend with her strength, Gwen flipped over to hang upside-down, smiling at MJ. “You look really pretty upside-down. Come join me, we can be sloths.”

MJ snorted at the bizarre compliment. “You look beautiful upside-down too, but I’m staying down here.”

Gwen reached out to grab MJ’s hand, and pulled her closer until their faces were mere inches apart. “Now that I think about it,” MJ whispered, “you really are stunning. You know that, right?” MJ cupped the other girl’s face between her hands, and pulled her in for a passionate kiss. Gwen’s arms scrambled to grasp MJ’s wrists, but she didn’t pull them away. Instead, she closed her eyes and leaned into MJ’s warm hands. 

“Blood’s rushing to my head, I have to get down.” MJ grumbled as Gwen pulled away, but reached up to help her down. The second that Gwen’s feet hit the ground, she wrapped the other girl in a tight embrace. “You’re stunning, too.”

Before MJ had a chance to respond, a boy holding a sad bouquet of three flowers caught her eye. “Is that… Peter?” 

Gwen whipped around, still keeping MJ close to her in a protective embrace. “Oh my god it’s Peter and Ned.”

“Did you know that Ned was bringing Peter?” 

MJ’s hurt tone broke Gwen’s heart as she shook her head vigorously. “No, I had no idea.” 

Both girls stood in confusion as Peter approached MJ, holding the pitiful bouquet in front of him as a person would offer meat to a rabid dog.

“There’s been… a misunderstanding. MJ, I love you so much, and I promise I’d never hurt you on purpose. I thought you were talking about something else at my apartment that morning, and that’s why I was freaked out.” Peter sounded truly miserable, but when Gwen glanced over to check on MJ, the other girl was staring at the flowers in shock.

“Are those black dahlias? Like the murderer?” 

Peter blushed and nodded. “Sorry there are only three, I was going to get a bouquet but I didn’t realize how expensive flowers are.”

MJ smirked and took the flowers from Peter before wrapping him in a hug. “You’re such an asshole, you know? You fucking jerk.” Gwen rubbed a comforting hand on her girlfriend’s shoulder as she heard how hwe voice was tightening.

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, MJ. You don’t-”

“We’re together.” MJ pulled out of the hug and shot Peter a serious look. “Gwen and I. We’re…” MJ trailed off, grabbing Gwen’s hand in her own and keeping it there. 

Peter was smiling so wide that it looked like he was about to cry. “I know, Ned told me. I- I’m just so happy for you guys.”

“Thank you. The joy in MJ’s eyes was enough to stop Gwen from bombarding Peter with questions, but only barely. 

Ned grinned widely at the group. “Guys, let’s go get some food.”

Gwen gave Peter a thin smile before motioning for MJ to step aside with her. “You two go ahead, we’ll catch up.” 

MJ blushed as Gwen pulled her closer. “You’re not just forgiving Peter because he brought you some flowers, right? I mean, do you believe that he’s sorry and everything?”

Of course Gwen would worry about that. 

“You know Peter, he couldn’t lie to save his own life. Besides, this kind of thing is pretty on-brand for him.”

Gwen nodded, brushing a lock of MJ’s hair behind her ear. “Okay, I agree with you. Just let me know if you ever need me to kick his ass for being an idiot, though.”

MJ chuckled, grabbing Gwen’s hand and leading her toward the restaurant that she’d seen the boys head towards. 

Truthfully, thinking back to their conversation, MJ had a guess about what Peter could have assumed that morning in his apartment. If she was right, and she usually was, then Peter’s reaction made a lot of sense.

Anyway, it wasn’t like MJ would ever actually tell Peter what she had figured out. It would really only freak him out, and he didn’t need to know that she knew

After all, she was only 67 percent sure that her suspicions were correct. 

“Let’s go, I’m hungry,” Gwen whined, pulling MJ toward the restaurant by her arm. Chuckling, MJ pulled her in closer and planted a kiss on her girlfriend’s forehead.

Peter could figure out whatever was going on with him. In the meantime, MJ had more important things to think about. 

“You make me the happiest that I’ve ever been.” MJ smiled at Gwen softly, and the other girl smiled back. 

“You make me so happy, MJ. You really do. The only things that make me even half as happy are cats, cotton fabric, and food- speaking of which...” Gwen squeezed her hand before practically forcing MJ through the door of the restaurant. 

“Okay, okay. I’m going.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! Thank you so much for getting to the end, it really means a lot to me. I genuinely enjoyed writing this, thank you for letting me share it with you.
> 
> As always, thank you to my beta [EnchantingWriting](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnchantingWriting/pseuds/EnchantingWriting)! 
> 
> My Tumblr is [Astro_cat13](https://astro-cat13.tumblr.com)

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Feedback is greatly appreciated, and to be honest reading comments just makes my day. This fic should have a pretty regular update schedule.
> 
> Also, thank you to my amazing beta [EnchantingWriting](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnchantingWriting/pseuds/EnchantingWriting)! Go check out her writing, its enchanting :)
> 
> My Tumblr is [Astro_cat13](https://astro-cat13.tumblr.com)


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